Someone asked me this today. And to be honest, I felt conflicted about answering. Yes, I have done porn. No, it never represented a career choice for me.But, would/do I judge someone who did so?
But wait, let me explain. Here was my answer:
“I think it’s difficult to be mindful about sex when you are getting paid for it.”
And why, you ask, do we need to be mindful about sex anyway? Isn’t it about passion? Well yes, but I believe that passion and desire are necessarily mindful experiences…they are of the moment…and if you introduce monetary compensation into the mix you also introduce expectation…and expectation seems antithesis to desire.
So do I think of those who choose sex-work as a career as “low”?
(that includes myself)
But, I do think that by choosing such work, they/you/we have to work harder to isolate and identify experiential passion in our personal life. I think that’s the rub whenever you make something extremely personal public, you tilt your world…which requires a new perspective…So perhaps what I have is a tremendous amount of respect for those who have chosen the sex industry as a career because in truth they must work harder than anyone to attain something many take for granted:
Now let me qualify, I am under no pretense that we only have sex when we are in love, rather I am saying that when you introduce multiple expectations (cameras, money, a crew, a script) you take away the “moment” –and that moment, that even the most casual sex has, represents a real connection (no matter how short). I speak from some experience, I made porn with someone I was in a relationship with and loved the process of it all; however, it was nearly impossible to truly be in the moment with my partner (someone I loved)…I can’t imagine trying to do so with someone I didn’t even know.
Again, I don’t see sex-work as “low”…I understand the work as difficult, because it places one of our most sacred acts as humans on display in what I think we can all agree is neither realistic nor (nor completely) satisfying and requires that those involved somehow then “real” passion in their personal sex life and relationships.
Difficult, but not impossible…because I am under the impression, belief really, that love will conquer all. Yeah…it’s a nice thought for a Friday! xxx dr.c.