I was pleased to have stirred such interaction…Here is the “mix” received from Facebook…enjoy and Happy Friday! dr.c.
I have been more or less a part of the alt-erotic party scene, and the swinger/lifestyle nightlife scene specifically, for the past 10 years; during that time I have witnessed a complete shift in attitude and acceptance regarding what is considered “normal sexual behavior”. This change has been so complete in fact that the swinger/lifestyle-scene, at least in the traditional sense, has been rendered almost non-existent.
Now before you jump all over me, I think the more explicit events (e.g. private, where actual sex occurs as part and parcel of the experience) will continue to exist albeit underground (where I am sure those who indulge in such decadence prefer it). No, here I am referring to the parties that gained popularity around 2000 or so, those offering, “swinging light” if you will. These events were held in public venues, semi-private affairs that catered to those:
“Wishing to explore sexuality with their (heretofore) monogamous partner.”
I should add here that attendees were most typically straight couples.
I stumbled upon these events in my late 20’s, always a part of the nightlife scene, they seemed a natural extension and a means to explore what was becoming a very pressing urge to explore my own (bi)sexuality and what, at the time, were considered more deviant expressions of that sexuality (polyamory, exhibitionism/voyeurism, BDSM, pornography, eroticism). These parties were, to my limited knowledge, my only option for such exploration.
And explore I did, I have been: guest, promoter, host, and performer at one time or another throughout the last decade at some of the most of the established “erotic parties” in NYC. And for the most part I can report a positive experience…if not particularly satisfying, as I quickly learned my desires weren’t particularly aligned with any of these mainstream sub-groups (an oxymoron I realize, but apt one). I was not a swinger, a don, or a sub…I was somewhere in between all of these “labels”, which at the time wasn’t readily accepted; however, I think much of that has changed. Actually, I think EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.
I didn’t notice until I took some time off from the nightlife scene to focus on my career, maybe a year. When I returned to nightlife, I began also promoting in mainstream (“vanilla”) clubs, upon their request, on regular club nights. In the beginning we would be the most outrageous bunch in the club. The “we” mostly being those who like me were comfortable with exploring and expressing their sexuality in the nightlife scene but perhaps not comfortable with any of the established alternative “labeled” events (e.g. swinger, etc.). During the five years or so that I worked for both alt/sex parties and “vanilla” parties…things definitely shifted…most notably, previously unacceptable behaviors became acceptable and even common in these “vanilla” parties…behaviors like:
Expressed bisexuality, homosexuality, polyamory
Alternative sexual practices
And finally…something else changed, something that I think provides a clue as to the motivation for all of the aforementioned changes:
Photos of all of the above…shared, across social media.
You only have to peruse the social/entertainment/news media to see that as a culture we are moving toward a less conservative (sexually), albeit more exploitative (see social media), world. And this shift (I believe) is responsible for the move from sexual expression as private to expression as public. In other words, this observed change described here isn’t about us “as a culture” becoming more open and accepting, it’s really about becoming more exhibitionistic in reaction to our recently adapted “need” to over-share our lives through social media and by extension to indulge in others’ lives through that vehicle…lives that were, before MySpace and Facebook, largely private.
This is a case where the end doesn’t directly correlate to the means…however, I will take it…the “end” (being more sexual freedom of expression) is pretty sweet.
NymphoBrainiacs strive to explore, indulge, and understand all things erotic…so when I heard about a new underground artistically-themed NYC alt event…November 16th’s The Vanilla Party: Aftermath…I knew I had to indulge. And while I am happy to report that there was nothing “vanilla” about this kinky evening…there was far more than even I expected. As creator SaxDMA explains TVP is:
NYC’s Latest Alternative Art and Fashion Interaction Attraction Alternative & Peculiar Performances of Epic Proportion
Yes, it sounds boastful…yet, TVP delivers! The crowd is a mix of downtown eclectic with a goth influence and a fetish feel. The performances repel as much as they seduce…and an overall vibe that collectively encouraged collaboration (artistic..and otherwise) amongst its guests. The next installment will be late winter/early fall and is not to be missed! xxx dr.c.
“This generation’s obsession with body art is another blow to the original culture of rebellion. To have numerous tattoos thirty years ago allowed one to rest on the fringes of society. But in today’s world, little can make one fit in more than a dazzling image of seemingly anything, strutting across one’s arms or torso.
Social media truly is an alternative universe, where one can fall under the false impression that receiving yet another meaningless tattoo delivers the idea that they are living an ambitious and authentic lifestyle.”
– Interesting piece critiquing the mass popularization of tattooing…not sure I agree completely, but it’s a well laid out argument! In the meantime…please do enjoy some lovely inked skin candy…just getting you prepped for the The Ink Party (click to link to FB invite) in NYC this Saturday…talk about a narcissistic endeavor…I don’t know about you, but for me ink/body art isn’t about rebellion…it’s about expression, and to me that is ALWAYS authentic…xxx c.
By James Pavel
Babies, beaches and half-naked bodies are waiting to be discovered on what appears as almost every social media profile page. But a new, popular method of attracting attention has become tattoos, or new tattoos that have recently been penned on one’s body by an anonymous artist, who in reality, usually deserves all and sole credit for the artistic wizardry.
The adoption of tattoos as a new source of attention-craving has allowed individuals to surrender the sum of their identity to tattoos through social media.
The lower-back tat might be out, but in are half-arm sleeves, full-arm sleeves, rib-cage tattoos and basically anything that involves piercing the skin with a permanent needle.
In 2013, job titles or true achievements are thrown in the back-seat replaced by the immediate gratification that tattoos and social media postings can offer. Tattoos are a painful but mostly rewarding body alteration while…
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“Dance, when you’re broken open. Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you’re perfectly free.” – Rumi
It’s nothing new to say that dance is an expression of the spirit that has existed since (and perhaps before) humankind. People have danced in celebration, in loss, in ritual. However, to me, the most striking feature of dance is its ability to communicate a nearly pure form of emotion…without the mess and inaccuracy of words…dance is feeling…dance speaks what we cannot fully articulate…dance draws us in and has the capacity to draw our real-self out.
And the only thing asked of us…is to: “let go”…let your body control your mind…an awkward exchange for many of us…perhaps that’s why alcohol and other illicit substances are such an integral part of nightlife in today…quite simply, we need help letting go. Not to criticize, I require that extra courage as much as the next…but it does beg the question:
Have we as humans gotten so far from the mind-body connection that truly surrendering mind to body presents such a challenge?
I have no real answer to the conundrum I’ve posed…just something that while rolling around on social media came to mind…and since I am all about exploring the physical-sensual through the lens of mindfulness, I thought I would pass it on as fodder for those intrigued by similar questions…hope you have a fabulous weekend, xxx conchita.
Sometimes the night lends itself to playful imaginings…
Sometimes…I have to undress in order to play dress-up…
This night I mingled fantasies with LastnightsParty.com at Webster Hall’s in famous Trash party, with host Kris Khaos…
and what a lovely time we had mixing nothing but
and a tongue.
Thank you for loaning me your lens…and cheers to weekend memories
I have always loved ropes…I took to ropes in a way I never did to the whips, or clamps, or verbal barbs of BDSM.
Bondage feels natural, to me; it feels like home.
When I am wrapped (bound) I feel safe, complete, protected…in my restraint. As if I can finally give up on all of the struggles in daily life and just relax into the ropes…the ropes will support me…they will hold me…and if I release…they will deliver me from pain into pleasure.
When I bind another, I feel in control…I feel honored. I feel their trust. A mix of serious concern (for their safety) and waves of pleasure flood my mind. I can always see in their eyes when the session moves from “fun” to the realization that they are dependent on me…completely…they are vulnerable.
I love this moment…I lean in and give her a kiss to reassure her that she hasn’t misplaced her trust…and then I watch her melt into surrender…and the fun begins: she moves, she reaches, she grabs…the ropes become a part of her, an extension of her sexual desire…and I smile, my intentions met.
The above describes much of what you’ll see in the video (shot by Joel of Kamenwati Productions) below from a Halloween event last weekend. My partner, spontaneously volunteered…and this is what she got:
I hope you enjoyed the video…and I would well wishes to everyone recovering from Sandy on the east coast my heart is with you all,
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