Porn is a sticky subject for a lot of us (yes I meant to be pun-ny).
We have our social views:
Everyone watches it!
We have our personal views:
Porn is cheesy, but it gets the job done.
We have our political views:
Porn doesn’t accurately reflect any sex I have ever had or will have…ever.
But I recently saw a political cartoon concerning lesbians, sex, and porn:
The idea was, if you are anti-gay how can you watch “lesbian-porn”
And it got me thinking:
When we watch two women have sex in porn are we in any way equating it with lesbian sex?
Do we equate ANY sexy we see in porn with real-life sex?
And do the answers to those questions differ by gender and sexual orientation?
Does ANY woman relate to the women in porn from a sexual standpoint?
I am going to go out on a limb here and say that while I think men (straight and gay) in some manner do relate to porn (they are after all able to “insert” themselves into the scene during masturbation, at the very least) I do NOT think that women relate, at least not on the same level.
Now let me clarify, I am not talking about alt or lesbian or feminist (yes I made one of those) porn, I am speaking of mainstream-porn.
So now the question becomes:
Why don’t we (women) relate?
Because the women in porn don’t look like us? Fuck like us? Orgasm like us?
But, do the men in porn fuck like any men we know? No, not really…
Here we get to the core of the matter, the hilt, while men I think would like to imagine that they fuck like porn stars, women aren’t particularly turned-on at all by the sex-scenes portrayed in the majority of mainstream porn (and yet women are still buying vibrators, it’s not like we aren’t masturbating as much as men, just not to porn).
This weekend I watched A Room in Rome (a totally female driven extremely sexual film about two women who are lovers), with a another woman and a man. There were multiple graphic sex scenes in the film; in fact the majority of the film is about sex and desire.
To me, these sex scenes were hot.
To her these sex scenes were hot.
To him these sex scenes were…boring.
Why the stark difference in opinion? Because when women watch sex, we want reality because passion is the most important (or one of the most important) component(s) to arrousal and orgasm for us. And when men watch sex, they want non-reality, fantasy.
I am suggesting here that for men stepping out of the day-to-day is part of the pleasure of sex and masturbation, whereas for many women the pleasure is in actually indulging in reality…making it more real…we fantasize about actual lovers or those we wish were our lovers…men fanaticize about women they will never meet.
YES, I know I am over-generalizing and certainly women fantasize about dream-lovers and porn stars and men masturbate to their current real-life lovers. But the interesting and meaningful point to this tangent is that women and men conceive of arousal in sex and masturbation differently, and porn is just a reflection of that:
Why is female-based porn not a huge seller?
We don’t need it.
Why is male-based porn one of the largest industries in this country?
They need it.
So I suppose the real issue isn’t about porn vs. reality, rather it’s about real differences between men and women. And while women all to often get offended when men get turned-on by superficial fantasies, and men appear baffled by what women find arousing…once again we return to a repeating theme:
It’s about accepting and respecting differences and preferences when it comes to sex…variety is, after all, the spice of life. And in the end I really don’t care HOW you get turned-on just THAT you get turned on!