Sex Makes You Healthier (as if you needed another excuse)

(Via Second to None Nutrition on Facebook)

***Having sex is good to your ‪#‎muscles‬***


10 health benefits of sex you need to know

1 . Having sex relieves headaches. Every time you make love , it releases the tension in the veins of the brain.

2 . A lot of sex can clear the stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine . It helps to fight against asthma and spring allergies .

3 . Making love is a spectacular beauty treatment. Scientists have discovered that when a woman has sex , it produces a large amount of estrogen that gives shine and softness to hair.

4 . Sex is one of the safest sports. Make love often strengthens the muscles of male and female body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps in the pool and there is not need special shoes!

5 . Make love slowly , smoothly and in a relaxed way reduces the chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and acne . The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow .

6 . Lovemaking can burn all the ‪#‎calories‬ you have accumulated during the romantic dinner before bedtime.

7 . Sex is a divine remedy for depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream , creating a state of euphoria and leaving women and men with the feeling of being unique.

8 . Sex is the tranquilizer and muscle relaxant to a safer world . It is a thousand times more effective than Valium .

9 . Sexually active body releases more pheromones. .

10 . Kissing each day will keep you more time away from the dentist . Kissing is an art which makes the cleaner teeth and saliva reduces the amount of acid that causes tooth decay . This prevention eliminates many problems , in addition to offering a breath constantly renewed!

Thought it was worth a Friday #reblog

Enjoy the weekend, xxx dr.c.

Study Shows…Just Because You’re KINKY, Doesn’t Mean You’re BAD!

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Traditionally, “Sexual Sensation Seeking,” (yes that is a clinical term and an actual behavioral assessment scale) has been understood by the mental health community as an undesirable behavior; however, a study published by the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (Journal of Human Sexuality, 2013) took a decidedly NymphoBrainiac approach to things and used this scale (the SSS) to evaluate sexual sensation seeking in a more positive light.

Rather than using sexual sensation seeking to predict:

  1. Mental health problems
  2. Sexual dysfunction
  3. Sexual shame
  4. Risky sexual behavior
  5. Sexually transmitted infections
  6. HIV
  7. Teen pregnancy
  8. Prostitution
  9. Sexual phobias
  10. Sexual Violence/Abuse

As has been the norm, these researchers hoped to assess very different and positive characteristics (and correlates) based on sexual tendencies. Their findings showed that indeed those who showed high levels of sexual sensation seeking were also:

  1. Sexually curious
  2. Explorative
  3. And reported a high level of overall life satisfaction

I would say this is a clear “BRAVO” to all my mindful sexual deviants out there!

Viva la NymphoBrainiac!

xxx, dr.c.


Sex…a Personal Evolution.

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Sex is such an important part of who I am, of where I “seat” my identity, but I have to agree with this “rant” that I re-blogged…there is the dis-integrated SEX of youth and the integrated (ultimately more satisfying) SEX of maturity…and I would never trade the former for the latter. I always heard from my older female friends when I was in my 20’s (when my sex-life was legitimately great): “I swear, it gets so much better…you cannot even imagine how great sex is after 30!”…I would nod, secretly thinking, “Yeah, right.” Well, now at 38…YEAH…FUCK YEAH, THEY WERE RIGHT!

xxx conchita.


Immanuel Kant believed that we humans, because we are so emotionally complex, go through two puberties in life. The first puberty is when our bodies become mature enough for sex; the second puberty is when our minds become mature enough for sex. The two events can be separated by many, many years. Perhaps our emotional maturity comes to us only through the experiences and lessons of our youthful romantic failures. Maybe we all need to go through the anguish and errors of a first puberty, before we can ascend into the second one.

~commitment, elizabeth gilbert.

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Your Fetish is MY Fetish…and Mine is Yours.

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Is defined by Merriam-Webster as, “An inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.”

The word fetish originally meant “charm,” and it originates from the 15th century Portuguese word feitico, which means false power, object or charm. For example, when the Portuguese explored West Africa and encountered native religions, they called whatever talisman (totems, carvings, beads) they revered a fetish.

To the Portuguese in those days, the fetishists were those who worshiped the unusual. Later on, however, the implication of the word took on a whole different meaning.

Today, Fetishes are defined by the DSM (the “bible” of mental health) as, “Persistent preferential sexual arousal in association with non-living objects, an over-inclusive focus on (typically non-sexual) body parts (e.g., feet, hands) and body secretions…Partialism, an exclusive focus on part of the body.”

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The DSM goes on to specify criteria that would merit a clinical diagnosis (mental disorder); however, the main dysfunction being that it hinders ones life/job/relationships in some disabling manner. For most of us though…our fetishes do not have such debilitating effects. The majority of healthy sexually active adults that I know utilize their fetishes as an integral and satisfying part of their sex-play.

There are the typical fetishes: hands/feet, water, hair, voyeurism/exhibitionism, fingernails/lipstick, stomachs, tattoos/piecings, rubber/latex, BDSM.

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And then there are the atypical fetishes…that encompass all manner of oddities…things you may have never even fathomed. Working as a Dominatrix I encountered some interesting ones: golden showers, suffocation, torture, cross-dressing, infantilism, pony-play, forniphilia (using someone as furniture, literally), dog training, emetophilia (vomiting)…to name a few.

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As a psychotherapist I encountered an even stranger (creepier?) fetish:

Coprophilia, or the poop fetish.

My patient was a beautiful girl really, delicate and fine boned, and she always reminded me of a classically-trained ballerina; however, she was a dominatrix. She often spoke of her clients and the ways in which she dealt with managing/tolerating their particular fetishes, and one in particular fascinated and disgusted her (and me):

The guy who constructed a toilet that fit over his head so that she could defecate into his mouth.

I know…take a moment to breathe. The most fascinating part about this act was not that someone was into it, people are into all nature of disgusting things…no, it was the manner in which she had to psych herself up to do this act that she found repulsive.

And yet even in her abhorrence it was clear that there was a kind of pleasure that she derived from this act, which made me re-consider…perhaps fetishes cannot so simply be defined and dismissed as “partialism” or an inability to relate to another as a whole, some form of lesser connection.

When a fetish is enacted with the participation of another, it becomes necessarily an exchange.

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While the above is an extreme illustration I think that many of us can still relate to this concept of fetishism as connection. If you have ever indulged a lover in his or her “special desire” you know this to be true. For example, even if you do not particularly find spanking a turn-on…the simple fact that it excites your lover, by consequence also excites YOU. It is this very exchange-of-kink (if you will) that has lead me to  the belief that functional fetish play can be extremely important and even beneficial in healthy sexual relationships…as it requires one to accept and enact another’s desire solely because it is theirs; we indulge them and in turn we are also satisfied.

With that…I encourage you to…go on…get your kink-on…because it is virtually gauranteed that someone will be there in indulge and enjoy with you!



(images by: Mayumi)



“Dance, when you’re broken open. Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you’re perfectly free.” – Rumi

It’s nothing new to say that dance is an expression of the spirit that has existed since (and perhaps before) humankind. People have danced in celebration, in loss, in ritual. However, to me, the most striking feature of dance is its ability to communicate a nearly pure form of emotion…without the mess and inaccuracy of words…dance is feeling…dance speaks what we cannot fully articulate…dance draws us in and has the capacity to draw our real-self out.

And the only thing asked of us…is to: “let go”…let your body control your mind…an awkward exchange for many of us…perhaps that’s why alcohol and other illicit substances are such an integral part of nightlife in today…quite simply, we need help letting go. Not to criticize, I require that extra courage as much as the next…but it does beg the question:

Have we as humans gotten so far from the mind-body connection that truly surrendering mind to body presents such a challenge?

I have no real answer to the conundrum I’ve posed…just something that while rolling around on social media came to mind…and since I am all about exploring the physical-sensual through the lens of mindfulness, I thought I would pass it on as fodder for those intrigued by similar questions…hope you have a fabulous weekend, xxx conchita.

Remembering my Father Through the Lens of the Sandy Hook Masacre: Death and Mental Illness


“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.”

– Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths you Can’t Avoid

Today, I remember as the day my father died.

At the time I was told that he died of a heart attack; my mother made that decision.

Later, during a confrontation about…guns, I was told that he committed suicide.

After losing his entire family in the Jone’s Town mass-suicide/murder, his life was full of suffering. We knew that he fought demons he would never slay, and wrestled with understanding of a senseless act that was incomprehensible.

He earned psychological diagnoses that ranged from bi-polar depression to schizophrenia. And near the end of his life he believed that he was God.

I did not have an easy childhood, before or after his death. And as a young adult I struggled to understand “why”…even searching his medical records to see if something else could have been done, something that may have saved him. Indeed my choice to become a mental health worker was entirely due to this loss as was the desire to work to remove the stigma of mental illness that our society has worked so hard to sustain over centuries.

This year as I reflect on my father, his death, and my own life…I also think of the recent tragedy in Sandy Hook Connecticut and of the man who committed this atrocity. He too was mentally ill. He too was armed with a gun. And while mental illness is pertinent to his story, I think it’s important to know it is not the entire story…the majority of mentally ill people are not violent towards others. It is my hope that as a knee jerk reaction we do not allow our mentality about mental illness to revert back to the middle ages, labeling and discarding those who are suffering, out of fear; rather, I hope that we will search for understanding and therefore strengthen the responsibility that we have as a society to all people.

No one act stands alone…it’s consequences are far reaching and meaningful…it’s up to us to make that meaning.

For me, my father’s suicide served to allow me to create a more meaningful life…which I imagine would make him very proud. Rest…I know you are now at peace, Dad.

xxx c.

My Mantra: I am Strong!

I don’t want to be skinny I want to be strong.

Strength is my guiding aspiration, both mentally and physically.

To be strong enough to withstand

To be strong enough to let go

To be strong enough to succeed

To be strong enough to fail

To be strong enough to win

To be strong enough to lose

To be strong enough…to be weak

When I was younger, I didn’t feel this way. Life felt outside of my control and my body manifested what my heart and will could not:

I was thin, I was frail, I was weak.

It was as if my body decided to express what my heart could not bare to.

I am so happy to have shed that, to live comfortably in my own skin…so much so that I fear I make others uncomfortable at times…traipsing through public body bared to all!

But, I earned it!

My body

My mind

My heart

Are strong, strong enough to be weak without being defeated.

I survived…and I thrive. 



(first image by