Questions Posed: “How do you perceive a porn star?…”

“How do you perceive a porn star? Would you find them to be ‘low’ due to their choice of career?”

k&j 045

Someone asked me this today. And to be honest, I felt conflicted about answering. Yes, I have done porn. No, it never represented a career choice for me.But, would/do I judge someone who did so?

Honestly?

Yes.

But wait, let me explain. Here was my answer:

“I think it’s difficult to be mindful about sex when you are getting paid for it.”

And why, you ask, do we need to be mindful about sex anyway? Isn’t it about passion? Well yes, but I believe that passion and desire are necessarily mindful experiences…they are of the moment…and if you introduce monetary compensation into the mix you also introduce expectation…and expectation seems antithesis to desire.

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So do I think of those who choose sex-work as a career as “low”?

(that includes myself)

No.

But, I do think that by choosing such work, they/you/we have to work harder to isolate and identify experiential passion in our personal life. I think that’s the rub whenever you make something extremely personal public, you tilt your world…which requires a new perspective…So perhaps what I have is a tremendous amount of respect for those who have chosen the sex industry as a career because in truth they must work harder than anyone to attain something many take for granted:

Sexual connection.

Now let me qualify, I am under no pretense that we only have sex when we are in love, rather I am saying that when you introduce multiple expectations (cameras, money, a crew, a script) you take away the “moment” –and that moment, that even the most casual sex has, represents a real connection (no matter how short). I speak from some experience, I made porn with someone I was in a relationship with and loved the process of it all; however, it was nearly impossible to truly be in the moment with my partner (someone I loved)…I can’t imagine trying to do so with someone I didn’t even know.

Again, I don’t see sex-work as “low”…I understand the work as difficult, because it places one of our most sacred acts as humans on display in what I think we can all agree is neither realistic nor (nor completely) satisfying and requires that those involved somehow then “real” passion in their personal sex life and relationships.

Difficult, but not impossible…because I am under the impression, belief really, that love will conquer all. Yeah…it’s a nice thought for a Friday! xxx dr.c.

3 thoughts on “Questions Posed: “How do you perceive a porn star?…”

  1. Leroy Watson says:

    For some people, the passion and intensity of sex is extremely rewarding and addictive. And to experience that kind of intensity requires having sex with someone new – a novel experience. This phenomenon is referred to has the Coolidge Effect (see, science of sex and why men cheat ). As the story goes, President Coolidge and his wife were visiting a farm one day, Mrs. Coolidge noted how a rooster was able to perform all day, and Mr. Coolidge noted that it was not with the same hen. Although it can be difficult to acknowledge, and it goes against most people’s morals, diversity in sexual partners can be extremely gratifying (see, cheating husband ).

  2. gold price says:

    So no matter how sexy dirty talk can feel while you’re in bed, and no matter how gross or weird you feel after sex, talk about it with your partner. Laugh about something awkward, and tell your partner you don’t like talking about someone if it makes you feel uncomfortable. It keeps things simple and yet, exciting.

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