Do Friends Fuck Friends?

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This was shared on a Facebook status:

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I have got to air this out cause it’s just eating me alive. Friends don’t kiss friends, friends don’t fuck friends, friends don’t get jealous when their friend is talking to somebody else unless the situation is different, friends don’t cuddle with each other, friends don’t call each other babe or baby. Basically if you’re treating your friend as if he or she is something more than that then guess what then that’s what you really want stop over using the word friend cause friends you are not. That’s just misusing the word & that’s how shit gets fucked up. Smh I had to man! 

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This is a meaningful and interesting point…well articulated even…as someone who has chosen to be a part of a lifestyle where these lines are slightly blurred (e.g., friends DO sometimes kiss friends, etc.)…this brings up the all important point of establishing well-defined boundaries in ALL of your relationships (e.g., this has to be “ok” with ALL of us involved)…I wonder if others have had similar experiences…?

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Curious as to your take readers…xxx dr.c.

The Vanilla Party: A Study in Sweet Irony

NymphoBrainiacs strive to explore, indulge, and understand all things erotic…so when I heard about a new underground artistically-themed NYC alt event…November 16th’s The Vanilla Party: Aftermath…I knew I had to indulge. And while I am happy to report that there was nothing “vanilla” about this kinky evening…there was far more than even I expected. As creator SaxDMA explains TVP is:

NYC’s Latest Alternative Art and Fashion Interaction Attraction Alternative & Peculiar Performances of Epic Proportion

Yes, it sounds boastful…yet, TVP delivers! The crowd is a mix of downtown eclectic with a goth influence and a fetish feel. The performances repel as much as they seduce…and an overall vibe that collectively encouraged collaboration (artistic..and otherwise) amongst its guests. The next installment will be late winter/early fall and is not to be missed! xxx dr.c.

The Nymphobrainiac’s Dance…Cum Dance with Me.

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I remember when I was in graduate school, and this double-life or dialectic-life of mine began to develop; many acquaintances (and friends even) were shocked by my apparently illogical life-choices:

“Wait you are studying to be a doctor, and you are_____ (insert any of the following: doing porn, a dominatrix, at a sex party, performing nude burlesque, throwing a sex party, nude modeling, writing this blog)?”

At the time, it felt as if the message was loud and clear:

Two unrelated concepts cannot coexist; rather these concepts, the intellectual and the sexual or erotic, are contraindicative—one works against the other.

Not only do I (now, older and wiser) heartily disagree, but also I would counter with,

I could not have one without the other.

Sex and mind are so inextricably intertwined for me that they are more than simply parallel concepts they are co-dependant. Or maybe that’s not an apt term, there is such a negative connotation attached to co-dependence today, perhaps symbiotic is a better description…one feeds the other.

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I could not explore, express, or evolve sexually without also being mindfully connected to that experience; nor could I develop, achieve, or grow in my intellectual pursuits without the drive and energy of the erotic process.

There is no sex without mind.

I first understood this relationship at a fairly young age…around the age of 11 or 12, when I started to masturbate to the 70’s erotica rooted out of our massive home library…or to steal and consume my father’s (hidden) Playboy magazines:

Exploring the sexual calmed me; it brought me to center and allowed me to focus on mind.

In high school, when I was working on a paper…writer’s block? Masturbating cured it. Too tired to finish? Well “finishing myself-off” always seemed to re-energize.

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Yes, I understand perfectly well that some might characterize this behavior as deviant and as an unhealthy reliance on a socially unacceptable method of mindfulness (yes that’s right, I just compared masturbation to meditation!), but I would disagree. In no way has my work ever been impacted negatively by these mind-sex collaborative efforts; in fact, I would say that this process of self-understanding and self-regulation has only improved my productivity. Truth be told, I still employ this method today when working on a frustrating project, and it continued to work just as well!

I believe that there is something valuable in attending to and developing seemingly variant aspects of our psyches…it is the true dialectic of life; all of these disparate concepts eventually have to mesh in order to reach some kind of equilibrium (or peace), don’t they?

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Certainly these are the thoughts and ideas behind what I playfully term: the nymphobrainiac:

It is a life of balance, a life that doesn’t mindlessly exclude or include, rather one that strives to explore all aspects of curiosity and desire, no matter what the origin…where one experience or thought feeds the next…no matter how seemingly atypical or abnormal those combinations may seem…it is LIVING a truly INTEGRATED LIFE.

Today I wrote about my dance, the one whose steps are tricky and require as much grace as they do strength and endurance…perhaps you will be encouraged to master your own dance…so that we may one day…dance together…

xxx conchita.

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The Duality of Life

Today I found myself searching…for an answer to pain, originating from love.

I found answers.

None of which satiated, but all reflected back the duality of life, of relationships, of sex, of love.

I am thankful to have the strength to recognize and also tolerate that duality, a dialectic that in no small part defines my life including my sexuality, my partners, my career, as well as my artistic and erotic endeavors.

I am guessing you also both suffer through and enjoy similar experiences in life, your interest in a blog such as this would seem to necessitate that, which gives me the opportunity to share some of my reflections today, with you…

A friend’s blog 100% Mixed Girl, which captures the essence of life’s dualities as truly dialectic (two opposites that should not “fit” together and yet somehow do), was the first to provide a lens.

In this particular entry she describes the melancholic experience of loss in a “friendship” that is not meeting expectations:

“True friendship is far more rare than I realized.
I also learned that I should never doubt my instincts about people.
Even if I decide to let them in, I will do so with care.
I will not allow all the same access as others.
I will try to deprogram myself from thinking that all friendships deserve the same love and intimacy.
I will make my most ambitious effort to not take their unsavory behavior personal and accept them as they are.
If I don’t, they will continue to hurt and disappoint me with their failure of my expectations.
For the close circle of ladies I have, I will continue to nurture and trust in you.
For those that no longer belong in that category, you will eventually alienate yourself and I will no longer cry, bitch and moan that you don’t fit.
I have been trying to force you into a space that was simply not designed for you.
I regrettably mourn the dream of you as you were never meant to be my reality.”

(Excerpt from Friendship & Intimacy by S.Iscove)

The idea of mourning that which never truly existed is a trick I think we have all played on ourselves and yet the loss is real, it’s just the origin we are often mistaken about. When we look to the “other” for answers we are misdirected, the origin of our suffering is within ourselves, the expectations, the desires, the judgements…these all come from us, and color the way in which we connect to others in our lives. It’s a hard lesson and one I continually struggle with, but one that once recognized is invaluable to the health and happiness of future relationships.
This reflection, combined with the approaching holiday (Halloween & Dia de los Muertos), turned my thinking to death, endings, masks…identity.
Specifically, I was looking at the work of artists Sylvia Ji and several of her images brought me to the following thoughts:
The relationship between beginnings and endings,
often they are so inter-related that we can predict one from the other.

Love and desire,

which may at times seem very much at odds,

and yet impossibly connected.

Pleasure…floats us on a cloud of passion;

however, never promises tomorrow.

The self, constantly evolving…

so much so that at times our own reactions seem alien,

yet our emotions are all ours…by definition.

Ahhhhhh…the pleasure and suffering inherent in the experience of life’s dualities…can’t live with em, can’t live without em…and so let’s choose to just accept, and LIVE.

xxx

c.

Cummings and Goings…

I have to admit, it does strike me as odd that a blog (my blog) about so much cumming also includes so many goings

However, upon further reflection it seems apt…legit even.

When you think about it, every cumming necessitates a going.

But let me not get tied too tightly to semantics here and get right to the point:

Relationships, all kinds of relationships, have a beginningand some (most)…an ending.

Coincidentally, the former is usually more pleasant than the latter, which shouldn’t dissuade us…I mean we can’t cum unless we begin….right?

And isn’t the ending also an opportunity to begin again?

I say we all (and by that I mean myself and perhaps many of you) could utilize this knowledge to…

HIT THE ROAD.

Stick out our thumb

&

HITCH A RIDE…

because while it can never be guaranteed that we will be cumming,

If we are open to the experience

We will always be going, somewhere.

I realize this blog was a bit…metaphorical, perhaps even frustratingly so…it was to me in a way, even writing it. But, it needed to be. Recently ending a long friendship, I needed to create a little distance from the experience, even in reflecting, in order to see the positive attributes of separation. Anyway, thank you for muddling along with me, through the sexy and not-so-sexy…at least it’s all real.

xxx conchita.

(Image by: shutterbugboudoir.com for pastease.com )

New Explorations…

This weekend will be my first private event in a long while, and to say I am  excited would be an understatement.

I began throwing events in NYC almost 10 years ago and have always had partners as I enjoy the discovery of collaboration. This event is in collaboration with Sax DMA from The Vanilla Party (check their blog HERE, tasty images abound!), and promises to be a rather eclectic and entertaining new beginning. As you know, if you have perused any aspect of my blog, I enjoy fantasy and costume paired with anything erotic, and you can be sure this event will encompass all three of those essential components!

1. Fantasy: A “Back to School” theme

2. Costume:  Nerds, sexy school girls, pervy gym coaches, jocks, and geeks will represent

3. Erotic: I am not sure I have ever thrown a party where everyone actually kept their clothes on!

The most compelling part of this event is that it is NOT for any single group or subgroup (swingers, hipsters, BDSM, fetish, alt, gay, straight, black., white…you get the idea), this event is for EVERYONE!

Everyone who desires a bit more titillation and substance from their night-out, those who want to go home with memories that make them grin and maybe a bite mark or two to make them cringe the next day…and then smile!

When I started throwing parties it was to bring people together, to offer a space that would foster the development a unique network of friends who don’t judge rather who love, accept, and encourage. I have that. I am thankful…and to be honest I just want to keep it going…for YOU…for me!

and now…LET’S FUCKING GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!

xxx conchita.

Great to Be a Nerd

It’s great to be a nerd, it’s great to be a nerd
The only light we ever see is from our moniter

We argue about comic books and internet connections
The biggest highlight of the year is the star trek convention
Our town’s not big enough to sign up any stars
But we once met a red shirt who was phasered by a borg
(man, he knew mr. sulu!) (what? )

It’s great to be a nerd, it’s great to be a nerd
We wear our star trek uniforms and talk like captain kirk

We have our own heroes who we try to emulate
I dream of one day being as sexy as bill gates
We hate watching sports ’cause we’re reading carl sagan
But we’d watch the olympics if they played dungeons and dragons
(I’m a hobbitt! ha ha ha ha!)

It’s great to be a nerd, it’s great to be a nerd
We think tolkein was a genius and shakespeare was a turd

We rarely get a date or get talked to by a girl
Unless they’re having trouble with their algebra homework
We’re emotionally bereft and we’re sexually frustrated
But we can download photographs of agent scully naked

It’s great to be a nerd, it’s great to be a nerd
We know the truth is out there but we’d have to leave our room

We are the nerds in your neighbourhood
Polyester’s a fashion statement
But there’s more room on the beach for you
’cause we’re locked in our basement

It’s great to be a nerd, it’s great to be a nerd
We like to wear colours that do not appear in nature

It’s great to be a
Poorly-dressed fashionless
Star trekking roleplaying
Ninety pound when wet down
Pasty skinned pop drinking
Underfed genius
Yes, it’s great to be a nerd

(from Arrogant Worms)