When Round 2 Never…Cums

We’ve all been there…when his intent seems at odds with his perceived prowess.

And to be quite frank…we aren’t that put-off by the whole ordeal…maybe just a little perplexed…as one friend asked, “Is it Me?!”

Short answer (most likely), “No.”

Now, now…before you get all heady (ha, the puns are too easy on this one) this is what I mean:

Honestly it’s never us…or rarely is…men are so often locked in their minds…He was likely overly focused on making you cum (while not cumming himself)…that he lost his focus…pleasure…Once a man gets “in his head” (the other one) take a break..do something else…take the pressure-off, shift the focus…and then…cum together…if you will.

There are two alternatives of course; less empathic and much less easily addressable, however just as valid:

1. He watches too much porn (masturbates excessively), which can make completing the real deal challenging, and
2. Viagra.

Whatever the reason…the real question is…will you go for a rain check…a round 3?

Is he…worth the…ummmm…wait?

Dr. NB.

Fantasy…sometimes it’s never meant to be a reality.

 

Sexual Fantasy and Reality have often merged in my life…or maybe criss-crossed is more accurate. In my experience when fantasy-made-real mirrors the landscape of my actually reality, it truly lives up to expectations; however, when the realization of fantasy skips too many reality-boundaries…it leaves me…disappointed. And not for the reasons you assume…

A Realized sexual fantasy leaves me disappointed because, now…it can no longer be a fantasy again…it must necessarily be retired from fantasy-rotation to become…just…a fading memory.

Strange…maybe. But, maybe not.

Making fantasies into actuality is complicated business. Fantasies are necessarily fluid, they float across our consciousness with unlimited options for malleability..not so, in real life. Real life is tethered to another’s (or multiple others) desires/wants/feeling/expectations…your fantasies are all yours.

Some welcome that unknowability. I think it allows for too many unintentional complications. It’s a fantasy. It’s simple. It’s deviant. It’s downright disgusting! And…maybe…Sometimes, it’s best to…Keep it that way!

I will never forgive myself for making the fantasy of a threesome, reality…not because I feel guilty…or because it was a bad experience…neither apply…rather…because…I can NEVER have that fantasy, again.

May all your fantasies…cross the barrier into reality…and back…again, xxx Dr. NB.

(image by exphoria inc. for nudephotobasics.com)

What it Means to Wake Up in Love via NewsCult

I thought this was a lovely piece… xxx dr.c.

 

WHAT IT MEANS TO WAKE UP IN LOVE

September 29, 2014

I roll over in bed. Then I roll back the other way. I can’t get comfortable; the blankets are twisted around my leg and my hair is in my face and, Jesus, why is it so hot? Even though I keep my eyes closed, I feel him there. He slowly, gently unwraps the blankets from my legs. Then his hand goes to my face, where he wipes the sweaty hair away and tucks it behind my ears. I hear him get up and walk quietly over to the window, opening it as slowly as possible. He does that because he thinks I’m still sleeping and doesn’t want to wake me.

We go out to eat. I am talking fast about something; I always talk fast when I really want to tell a story. He is smiling and nodding along. Since I’m not paying attention, what I have in my fork somehow doesn’t make it to my mouth and ends up all over my shirt. Naturally, I think to myself, embarrassed by my lack of grace. “Wow, that piece of spaghetti really looks good there, they should introduce that into the fall line, will definitely be the next big thing.” He says, being goofy. He’s trying to make me laugh. He’s trying to make me not feel bad about spilling. It works.

I’m standing in front of the mirror. My stomach and thighs are definitely looking bigger than they did a year ago at this time. I have been on a diet of cheeseburgers after work at midnight and beer always. When I go to the gym, I usually get distracted by which playlist to have on my iPod. Regretting all of these things as I turn and look at my body from a different angle. He comes up behind me and puts his arms around my waist. He kisses my cheek. “You look sexy” he says as he holds me tighter. He calls me sexy because that’s what I need to be called right then. Not beautiful, not cute, but sexy.

I’ve worked all day and I can’t seem to move from my couch. I am so tired, so overwhelmed. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and I could really just cry. He takes my hand in his. He sits next to me. He doesn’t talk, doesn’t try to give me advice, he just lets it be. He lets me be overwhelmed, while letting me know he is right beside me. When I’ve calmed down, he offers me a beer and a back massage. Not because he necessarily feels like getting me a beer or giving me a back massage, but because he knows that’s exactly what I feel like.

I’m jealous of a girl he’s friends with. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, it’s so silly and I know it, but I am. It makes me upset and I get angry with myself for being insecure enough to be jealous. He doesn’t call me crazy, he doesn’t get mad, and he doesn’t laugh at me. He listens to me.

I’m nervous around his family and close friends. I want them to like me as much as possible, because I like him more than I ever thought possible. I get anxious. He puts his arm around my waist. He laughs at my jokes, nodding encouragingly. As we walk away, he leans in and whispers, “they love you.”

He’s the first to be genuinely good to me. The first to not try to bring me down. The first to not intentionally hurt me. I didn’t think he existed until I met him. I go to bed in love and I wake up in love.

Kaitlyn Seabury | News Cult

Wet Wednesday…Yes, All Women Can Squirt, Gush…It’s a Biological Function.

I originally posted this blog some time ago…it was for a series I was covering on adult toys…however, recently a friend asked me about g-spot orgasms…and I thought I would revisit the post. I think we can all agree that the pathway to female orgasm is filled with myth and emotion, and yet it doesn’t have to be. Squirting or gushing, is a biological function when the g-spot area is stimulated; therefore, every woman CAN experience this type of orgasm…with a little patience and persistence. I have included some details along with my own experience below…enjoy, ladies…it IS hump-day after all 😉 xxx dr.c.

Welcome to: WET WEDNESDAYS!!!

For our first adventure, I present to you, the 10 Function Risque G Vibrator Waterproof 5.5 Inch Black (as shown below)

IMMEDIATE REVIEW: I JUST finished trying out this product, the Risque G Vibrator, and I must admit…I am still shaking a bit!

WOWZAS WHAT A VIBRATOR!!

I mean first and foremost I KNOW it’s a special G-spot vibe…but…ummmm…in terms of clitoral stimulation: 

THIS IS YOUR TOY!

Product Description:
3 popular styles now with 10 functions.Seamless, sleek, and super slim.
10 intense functions of vibration, pulsation, and escalation.
Whisper quiet.
State-of-the-art memory chip resumes last function used.ABS with PU Cote (wand)
ABS with Silver Plating (2 AAA batteries)
5.5″ x .75″/14 cm x 2 cm.

Product Review/Test Run:

Quite honestly I didn’t even get the chance to TRY the G-spot “hook” inserted until I recovered from the cyclic orgasms that the 10-speed vibrator illicits! The vibration is VERY strong and the speeds vary in intensity and rhythm, which combine in a titillatingly surprising manner! Not to mention, when you turn it off the memory chip recalls the “orgasm point” from your last use – I knew it was only a matter of time before technology invaded the world of adult toys! INGENIOUS!

As if all this wasn’t enough, the Thin-Mint (yes, I already named mine) is also a G-spot stimulator, and stimulate it does. Yes, I know what you’re saying, “What is all this G-spot business?” I recognize the G-spot isn’t at all that familiar to many and so I have integrated commentary from an additional source (Babeland, NYC) with my own experiences below for your enjoyment:

HOW DO I FIND MY G-SPOT?

It’s not a myth, despite what you may have heard — the G-spot exists, and it loves attention! “G-spot” is the common name for a spot on the front of the vaginal wall through which you can stimulate the urethral sponge, an area of spongy tissue surrounding the urethra. All female-bodied people have a G-spot, but not all respond to G-spot stimulation in the same way.

1. Find it. The G-spot is about 2 inches inside of the vagina towards the belly, just behind the pubic bone. When women are aroused the tissue becomes thickened and can be felt through the vaginal wall. It creates an intense, distinctive sensation when stimulated. For some women, this feeling is similar to the sensation of needing to urinate; if it makes you feel more comfortable, pee before starting your explorations. And for some, stimulation of the G-spot can make them ejaculate.

• I have found both of these experiences to be true: I feel like I “must pee,” I experience a female-ejaculation…AND the orgasms are without fail unique and extremely intense.

Turn yourself on. The first step is to get turned on. During arousal, the spongy tissue swells with fluid.

• This was simple, using the vibe for clitoral stimulation paired with a little fantasy.

Add a finger or toy. Now, insert your finger into your vagina and curve your finger up towards your belly.

• You will notice that the vibe is hooked, I simply used it to find my “spot”.

Firm strokes. You’ll know when you hit the G-spot by the distinctive sensation it creates. Remember, you aren’t feeling for something on the surface of the vaginal wall; the urethral sponge is behind it, so you’ll need to press. The texture of the G-spot feels somewhat bumpy or crinkly; it’s noticeably different than the smooth walls of the vagina. Press firmly and stroke your fingers towards your palm (move them in a “come hither” way).

• Again this was accomplished with use of the toy…and it was evident that I had “hit” the G-spot when an increasingly intense feeling of sensation and pressure began.

Experiment. There is no single “right” technique to find the the G-spot. Others really like to have their clitoris stimulated at the same time that their G-spot is stroked. A partner’s fingers stroking the G-spot during cunnilingus can feel simply divine.

• Once I was really going, I added the bullet for clitoral stimulation.

Ejaculate (or not)! Pressure on the G-Spot or the contractions of orgasm can cause female ejaculation from the urethral sponge through the urethra. This fluid is different from urine and similar to men’s prostatic fluid. Empty your bladder before sex, so you won’t worry about peeing. Ejaculate quantity will probably be less than a teaspoon or two, but sometimes it can be copious. Objects in the vagina may block the urethra, thus preventing ejaculation. Some women ejaculate after the penis, dildo or fingers is removed. While not every woman ejaculates, female ejaculation is not uncommon, and it’s perfectly normal (and can feel great!).

• Yes, I do this. I did this, just now, copiously! The first time I experienced this phenomenon it was with a partner and the source of a bit of embarrassment until I understood its source. My advice is, “go with it,” this is a natural reaction to intense pleasure and will be an orgasm like no other! We are so very lucky, us women, able to cum multiple times; our orgasms having such variant qualities.

Partners and sexual positions. During partner sex there are some positions that are more conducive for hitting the G-Spot than others. Think geometry. Unless your partner has a curved dildo or penis, it’s the cervix, not the G-spot, that will most likely be stimulated in the standard missionary pose. Doggy-style, or the receptive partner receiving a dildo or penis from behind, puts the G-spot in the bulls-eye a bit better. You can lift your upper body by supporting your hands against a wall or bed, or with the use of “sex furniture” like the Love Bumper, and create a more angled approach to the vagina. Many women find that if they are on top, they can control penetration for better G-spot stimulation.

• For me, if I am “folded in half” with a sizeable partner, I can easily achieve a G-spot orgasm. Though I will say that at first I had to learn to withstand the intense, almost uncomfortable, pressure that precedes the phenomenal pay-off! I have tried various positions both with a male partner, and with the help of a strap-on with a female partner. The strap-on was a challenge, but I think utilizing this particular vibe would address the geometry issues that were encountered (and I can’t wait to try that theory out). 

This brings my first installment of Wet Wednesdays to a close! Thank you to Katerina’s Closet, please feel free to share any of your adventures with sex toys…share and share alike, I always say!

xxx c.

Do Friends Fuck Friends?

This was shared on a Facebook status:

I have got to air this out cause it’s just eating me alive. Friends don’t kiss friends, friends don’t fuck friends, friends don’t get jealous when their friend is talking to somebody else unless the situation is different, friends don’t cuddle with each other, friends don’t call each other babe or baby. Basically if you’re treating your friend as if he or she is something more than that then guess what then that’s what you really want stop over using the word friend cause friends you are not. That’s just misusing the word & that’s how shit gets fucked up. Smh I had to man! 

This is a meaningful and interesting point…well articulated even…as someone who has chosen to be a part of a lifestyle where these lines are slightly blurred (e.g., friends DO sometimes kiss friends, etc.)…this brings up the all important point of establishing well-defined boundaries in ALL of your relationships (e.g., this has to be “ok” with ALL of us involved)…I wonder if others have had similar experiences…?

Curious as to your take readers…xxx dr.c.

Before You Became “Just Friends”: Self-Deception and The Ex-

Ever begin a committed relationship with a new someone, who unwaveringly expects your complete acceptance of a recent ex- as “just friends”… wherein past relationship with said ex- was long-term and recent?

If so, did it make you wary when they insisted on the innocence of remaining “best friends”, “most valued confidents”, and “cuddle buddies” with this other?

And…Did you even question your own sanity at questioning this behavior (e.g.,  “Am I crazy or is this weird?”)?

You shouldn’t have.

I remember once I had a relationship in which my partner indicated that I should be “ok” with his just-friends-now-ex and he occasionally cuddling and sharing a bed when she, “needed” him with the assurance that, “nothing sexual” would happen. My reaction:

Ummmm WHAT?!?! Are you fucking kidding me? NO.

Sex or no sex, THAT is sharing intimacy…which may be ok in certain situations (that we dictate, as a couple), but what’s with the self-deception? The thing is, he knew it (“actions speak louder….”and all that jazz).

WE ALL KNOW IT.

Let’s be honest, letting go of love, even when it’s bad, is difficult. Because of this we often morph the romantic aspects of intimacy into what we re-term “close friendship”. But the truth is…it takes TIME to re-develop a relationship with a past love. Let me stress, I am not saying it can’t happen…I am saying it takes time and the complete and total acceptance of both parties to:

THE END OF MUTUAL INTIMACY.

I don’t mean being able to say, “we broke up,” or changing your Facebook status, or even moving-out and returning your key. I mean (to reiterate):

THE END OF MUTUAL INTIMACY!

And that acceptance…simply is not…well, SIMPLE.

I imagine this post is about allowing ourselves to see the ending of a relationship as a process…without kidding ourselves about unconscious wishes…and unfulfilled desires…because it’s DAMN HARD TO LET GO…even when we want to/need to/should let go. And if we can work through that process without dragging a third party through all our “dirt”…well then…I imagine we can call that…a well-done ending, if there ever was such a thing in love…or in life.

Happy weekend lovers, dr.c.

Someone told me… #HumpDay #Quote

Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying ‘You gave me the wrong key! (Anais Nin)

Hmmmnnn…a wise man once said don’t trust your lover…WITH ANYONE…do you agree?

#Humpday Thoughts…xxx dr.c.

My Pussy is Nothing Like Your Pussy

Yesterday a friend shared a link to this blog, Roosh’s Game Tips Newsletter
in which the author displays and details various “types” of pussy based on shape. It’s mildly entertaining and certainly insulting (e.g. “Turkey Pussy”, “Terminator Pussy”), but none of it is shocking or really groundbreaking.

I mean we have heard it all before, for ages the shape of a woman’s pussy has somehow dic(k)tated her preference for- or against- promiscuous sex. Yes, it’s juvenile and silly and yet I think an insecure part of us all (that deep-down oft maligned part, influenced by society) still buys into the notion that:

Pussies with differing-shape and complexity = whore

while

Pussies that present a clean cleft = virgin

I could go on and on about how ethnicity and congenital factors are the main contributors to the shape and size of a woman’s pussy, but I will assume that you are too smart for all that academia. So, putting  that aside, I found myself staring at this chart-o-pussy, searching fanatically for mine:

And surprise surprise…I didn’t find myself there! I even went so far as to make a thorough inspection in the shower…”Well it’s kinda number __, crossed with number __.” And just when I was about to ask my boyfriend what he thought, a semi-intelligent realization emerged:

Pussies are completely unique…no one pussy looks exactly like another…like faces.

I am laughing now because that was the exact thought I had…and while equating pussies with faces certainly engenders a little giggle in us all…the parallel is valid.

So, I suppose the lesson here is:

Never judge a book by its cover; likewise, never judge a pussy by its shape…otherwise you may never get to the satisfaction within.

Happy Hump Day!

xxx, dr.c.

“10 Choices You will Regret in 10 Years” -Rings VERY True!

This article was taken from via

“One decision can develop into a habit, and the habits you form create your reality. Here are 10 choices that carry significant weight. Learn to be conscious of the decisions you make so you can do your best to live like a champion:”

1. Wearing a mask to impress others.

If the face you always show the world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it. Because when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are. So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you. You don’t have to be perfect to impress and inspire people. Let them be impressed and inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.

2. Letting someone else create your dreams for you.

The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are; the second greatest is being happy with what you find. A big part of this is your decision to stay true to your own goals and dreams. Do you have people who disagree with you? Good. It means you’re standing your ground and walking your own path. Sometimes you’ll do things considered crazy by others, but when you catch yourself excitedly losing track of time, that’s when you’ll know you’re doing the right thing. Read The 4-Hour Workweek.

3. Keeping negative company.

Don’t let someone who has a bad attitude give it to you. Don’t let them get to you. They can’t pull the trigger if you don’t hand them the gun. When you remember that keeping the company of negative people is a choice, instead of an obligation, you free yourself to keep the company of compassion instead of anger, generosity instead of greed, and patience instead of anxiety.

4. Being selfish and egotistical.

A life filled with loving deeds and good character is the best tombstone. Those who you inspired and shared your love with will remember how you made them feel long after your time has expired. So carve your name on hearts, not stone. What you have done for yourself alone dies with you; what you have done for others and the world remains.

5. Avoiding change and growth.

If you want to know your past look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future look into your present actions. You must let go of the old to make way for the new; the old way is gone, never to come back. If you acknowledge this right now and take steps to address it, you will position yourself for lasting success. See the book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business.

6. Giving up when the going gets tough.

There are no failures, just results. Even if things don’t unfold the way you had expected, don’t be disheartened or give up. Learn what you can and move on. The one who continues to advance one step at a time will win in the end. Because the battle is always won far away and long before the final victory. It’s a process that occurs with small steps, decisions, and actions that gradually build upon each other and eventually lead to that glorious moment of triumph.

7. Trying to micromanage every little thing.

Life should be touched, not strangled. Sometimes you’ve got to relax and let life happen without incessant worry and micromanagement. Learn to let go a little before you squeeze too tight. Take a deep breath. When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward. You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great. Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not. It just takes some time to connect all the dots.

8. Settling for less than you deserve.

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve. Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you ever were before. Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision again. Don’t settle.

9. Endlessly waiting until tomorrow.

The trouble is, you always think you have more time than you do. But one day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to work on the things you’ve always wanted to do. And at that point you either will have achieved the goals you set for yourself, or you will have a list of excuses for why you haven’t. Read Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture.

10. Being lazy and wishy-washy.

The world doesn’t owe you anything, you owe the world something. So stop daydreaming and start DOING. Develop a backbone, not a wishbone. Take full responsibility for your life – take control. You are important and you are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now; the somebody the world needs is YOU.

via

The Lotus.

“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation

can that which is indestructible be found in us.“

(Pema Chodron)

“Sometimes the one who is running from the Life/Death/Life nature insists on thinking of love as a boon only. Yet love in its fullest form is a series of deaths and rebirths. We let go of one phase, one aspect of love, and enter another. Passion dies and is brought back. Pain is chased away and surfaces another time. To love means to embrace and at the same time to withstand many endings, and many many beginnings- all in the same relationship.”

(Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

The older I get, the more readily I believe in a few truisms:

1. Life is not easy, happy, or fun…most of the time.
2. Accept #1 and you will find happiness in moments, that feel like lifetimes.
3. To love is to die a million deaths and to be reborn..between every beat of your heart.
4. Never allow fear to dictate your desires.

It’s all about…skulls and pink bows.

xxx dr.c.