When Round 2 Never…Cums

We’ve all been there…when his intent seems at odds with his perceived prowess.

And to be quite frank…we aren’t that put-off by the whole ordeal…maybe just a little perplexed…as one friend asked, “Is it Me?!”

Short answer (most likely), “No.”

Now, now…before you get all heady (ha, the puns are too easy on this one) this is what I mean:

Honestly it’s never us…or rarely is…men are so often locked in their minds…He was likely overly focused on making you cum (while not cumming himself)…that he lost his focus…pleasure…Once a man gets “in his head” (the other one) take a break..do something else…take the pressure-off, shift the focus…and then…cum together…if you will.

There are two alternatives of course; less empathic and much less easily addressable, however just as valid:

  1. He watches too much porn (masturbates excessively), which can make completing the real deal challenging, and
  2. Viagra.

Whatever the reason…the real question is…will you go for a rain check…a round 3?

Is he…worth the…ummmm…wait?

Dr. NB.

Fantasy…sometimes it’s never meant to be a reality.

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Sexual Fantasy and Reality have often merged in my life…or maybe criss-crossed is more accurate. In my experience when fantasy-made-real mirrors the landscape of my actually reality, it truly lives up to expectations; however, when the realization of fantasy skips too many reality-boundaries…it leaves me…disappointed. And not for the reasons you assume…

A Realized sexual fantasy leaves me disappointed because, now…it can no longer be a fantasy again…it must necessarily be retired from fantasy-rotation to become…just…a fading memory.

Strange…maybe. But, maybe not.

Making fantasies into actuality is complicated business. Fantasies are necessarily fluid, they float across our consciousness with unlimited options for malleability..not so, in real life. Real life is tethered to another’s (or multiple others) desires/wants/feeling/expectations…your fantasies are all yours.

Some welcome that unknowability. I think it allows for too many unintentional complications. It’s a fantasy. It’s simple. It’s deviant. It’s downright disgusting! And…maybe…Sometimes, it’s best to…Keep it that way!

I will never forgive myself for making the fantasy of a threesome, reality…not because I feel guilty…or because it was a bad experience…neither apply…rather…because…I can NEVER have that fantasy, again.

May all your fantasies…cross the barrier into reality…and back…again, xxx Dr. NB.

(image by exphoria inc. for nudephotobasics.com)

What it Means to Wake Up in Love via NewsCult

I thought this was a lovely piece… xxx dr.c.

 

WHAT IT MEANS TO WAKE UP IN LOVE

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I roll over in bed. Then I roll back the other way. I can’t get comfortable; the blankets are twisted around my leg and my hair is in my face and, Jesus, why is it so hot? Even though I keep my eyes closed, I feel him there. He slowly, gently unwraps the blankets from my legs. Then his hand goes to my face, where he wipes the sweaty hair away and tucks it behind my ears. I hear him get up and walk quietly over to the window, opening it as slowly as possible. He does that because he thinks I’m still sleeping and doesn’t want to wake me.

We go out to eat. I am talking fast about something; I always talk fast when I really want to tell a story. He is smiling and nodding along. Since I’m not paying attention, what I have in my fork somehow doesn’t make it to my mouth and ends up all over my shirt. Naturally, I think to myself, embarrassed by my lack of grace. “Wow, that piece of spaghetti really looks good there, they should introduce that into the fall line, will definitely be the next big thing.” He says, being goofy. He’s trying to make me laugh. He’s trying to make me not feel bad about spilling. It works.

I’m standing in front of the mirror. My stomach and thighs are definitely looking bigger than they did a year ago at this time. I have been on a diet of cheeseburgers after work at midnight and beer always. When I go to the gym, I usually get distracted by which playlist to have on my iPod. Regretting all of these things as I turn and look at my body from a different angle. He comes up behind me and puts his arms around my waist. He kisses my cheek. “You look sexy” he says as he holds me tighter. He calls me sexy because that’s what I need to be called right then. Not beautiful, not cute, but sexy.

I’ve worked all day and I can’t seem to move from my couch. I am so tired, so overwhelmed. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and I could really just cry. He takes my hand in his. He sits next to me. He doesn’t talk, doesn’t try to give me advice, he just lets it be. He lets me be overwhelmed, while letting me know he is right beside me. When I’ve calmed down, he offers me a beer and a back massage. Not because he necessarily feels like getting me a beer or giving me a back massage, but because he knows that’s exactly what I feel like.

I’m jealous of a girl he’s friends with. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, it’s so silly and I know it, but I am. It makes me upset and I get angry with myself for being insecure enough to be jealous. He doesn’t call me crazy, he doesn’t get mad, and he doesn’t laugh at me. He listens to me.

I’m nervous around his family and close friends. I want them to like me as much as possible, because I like him more than I ever thought possible. I get anxious. He puts his arm around my waist. He laughs at my jokes, nodding encouragingly. As we walk away, he leans in and whispers, “they love you.”

He’s the first to be genuinely good to me. The first to not try to bring me down. The first to not intentionally hurt me. I didn’t think he existed until I met him. I go to bed in love and I wake up in love.

Kaitlyn Seabury | News Cult

Wet Wednesday…Yes, All Women Can Squirt, Gush…It’s a Biological Function.

I originally posted this blog some time ago…it was for a series I was covering on adult toys…however, recently a friend asked me about g-spot orgasms…and I thought I would revisit the post. I think we can all agree that the pathway to female orgasm is filled with myth and emotion, and yet it doesn’t have to be. Squirting or gushing, is a biological function when the g-spot area is stimulated; therefore, every woman CAN experience this type of orgasm…with a little patience and persistence. I have included some details along with my own experience below…enjoy, ladies…it IS hump-day after all 😉 xxx dr.c.

Welcome to: WET WEDNESDAYS!!!

For our first adventure, I present to you, the 10 Function Risque G Vibrator Waterproof 5.5 Inch Black (as shown below)

IMMEDIATE REVIEW: I JUST finished trying out this product, the Risque G Vibrator, and I must admit…I am still shaking a bit!

WOWZAS WHAT A VIBRATOR!!

I mean first and foremost I KNOW it’s a special G-spot vibe…but…ummmm…in terms of clitoral stimulation

THIS IS YOUR TOY!

Product Description:
3 popular styles now with 10 functions.Seamless, sleek, and super slim.
10 intense functions of vibration, pulsation, and escalation.
Whisper quiet.
State-of-the-art memory chip resumes last function used.ABS with PU Cote (wand)
ABS with Silver Plating (2 AAA batteries)
5.5″ x .75″/14 cm x 2 cm.

Product Review/Test Run:

Quite honestly I didn’t even get the chance to TRY the G-spot “hook” inserted until I recovered from the cyclic orgasms that the 10-speed vibrator illicits! The vibration is VERY strong and the speeds vary in intensity and rhythm, which combine in a titillatingly surprising manner! Not to mention, when you turn it off the memory chip recalls the “orgasm point” from your last use – I knew it was only a matter of time before technology invaded the world of adult toys! INGENIOUS!

As if all this wasn’t enough, the Thin-Mint (yes, I already named mine) is also a G-spot stimulator, and stimulate it does. Yes, I know what you’re saying, “What is all this G-spot business?” I recognize the G-spot isn’t at all that familiar to many and so I have integrated commentary from an additional source (Babeland, NYC) with my own experiences below for your enjoyment:

HOW DO I FIND MY G-SPOT?

It’s not a myth, despite what you may have heard — the G-spot exists, and it loves attention! “G-spot” is the common name for a spot on the front of the vaginal wall through which you can stimulate the urethral sponge, an area of spongy tissue surrounding the urethra. All female-bodied people have a G-spot, but not all respond to G-spot stimulation in the same way.

  1. Find it. The G-spot is about 2 inches inside of the vagina towards the belly, just behind the pubic bone. When women are aroused the tissue becomes thickened and can be felt through the vaginal wall. It creates an intense, distinctive sensation when stimulated. For some women, this feeling is similar to the sensation of needing to urinate; if it makes you feel more comfortable, pee before starting your explorations. And for some, stimulation of the G-spot can make them ejaculate.
  • I have found both of these experiences to be true: I feel like I “must pee,” I experience a female-ejaculation…AND the orgasms are without fail unique and extremely intense.

Turn yourself on. The first step is to get turned on. During arousal, the spongy tissue swells with fluid.

  • This was simple, using the vibe for clitoral stimulation paired with a little fantasy.

Add a finger or toy. Now, insert your finger into your vagina and curve your finger up towards your belly.

  • You will notice that the vibe is hooked, I simply used it to find my “spot”.

Firm strokes. You’ll know when you hit the G-spot by the distinctive sensation it creates. Remember, you aren’t feeling for something on the surface of the vaginal wall; the urethral sponge is behind it, so you’ll need to press. The texture of the G-spot feels somewhat bumpy or crinkly; it’s noticeably different than the smooth walls of the vagina. Press firmly and stroke your fingers towards your palm (move them in a “come hither” way).

  • Again this was accomplished with use of the toy…and it was evident that I had “hit” the G-spot when an increasingly intense feeling of sensation and pressure began.

Experiment. There is no single “right” technique to find the the G-spot. Others really like to have their clitoris stimulated at the same time that their G-spot is stroked. A partner’s fingers stroking the G-spot during cunnilingus can feel simply divine.

  • Once I was really going, I added the bullet for clitoral stimulation.

Ejaculate (or not)! Pressure on the G-Spot or the contractions of orgasm can cause female ejaculation from the urethral sponge through the urethra. This fluid is different from urine and similar to men’s prostatic fluid. Empty your bladder before sex, so you won’t worry about peeing. Ejaculate quantity will probably be less than a teaspoon or two, but sometimes it can be copious. Objects in the vagina may block the urethra, thus preventing ejaculation. Some women ejaculate after the penis, dildo or fingers is removed. While not every woman ejaculates, female ejaculation is not uncommon, and it’s perfectly normal (and can feel great!).

  • Yes, I do this. I did this, just now, copiously! The first time I experienced this phenomenon it was with a partner and the source of a bit of embarrassment until I understood its source. My advice is, “go with it,” this is a natural reaction to intense pleasure and will be an orgasm like no other! We are so very lucky, us women, able to cum multiple times; our orgasms having such variant qualities.

Partners and sexual positions. During partner sex there are some positions that are more conducive for hitting the G-Spot than others. Think geometry. Unless your partner has a curved dildo or penis, it’s the cervix, not the G-spot, that will most likely be stimulated in the standard missionary pose. Doggy-style, or the receptive partner receiving a dildo or penis from behind, puts the G-spot in the bulls-eye a bit better. You can lift your upper body by supporting your hands against a wall or bed, or with the use of “sex furniture” like the Love Bumper, and create a more angled approach to the vagina. Many women find that if they are on top, they can control penetration for better G-spot stimulation.

  • For me, if I am “folded in half” with a sizeable partner, I can easily achieve a G-spot orgasm. Though I will say that at first I had to learn to withstand the intense, almost uncomfortable, pressure that precedes the phenomenal pay-off! I have tried various positions both with a male partner, and with the help of a strap-on with a female partner. The strap-on was a challenge, but I think utilizing this particular vibe would address the geometry issues that were encountered (and I can’t wait to try that theory out). 

This brings my first installment of Wet Wednesdays to a close! Thank you to Katerina’s Closet, please feel free to share any of your adventures with sex toys…share and share alike, I always say!

xxx c.

Do Friends Fuck Friends?

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This was shared on a Facebook status:

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I have got to air this out cause it’s just eating me alive. Friends don’t kiss friends, friends don’t fuck friends, friends don’t get jealous when their friend is talking to somebody else unless the situation is different, friends don’t cuddle with each other, friends don’t call each other babe or baby. Basically if you’re treating your friend as if he or she is something more than that then guess what then that’s what you really want stop over using the word friend cause friends you are not. That’s just misusing the word & that’s how shit gets fucked up. Smh I had to man! 

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This is a meaningful and interesting point…well articulated even…as someone who has chosen to be a part of a lifestyle where these lines are slightly blurred (e.g., friends DO sometimes kiss friends, etc.)…this brings up the all important point of establishing well-defined boundaries in ALL of your relationships (e.g., this has to be “ok” with ALL of us involved)…I wonder if others have had similar experiences…?

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Curious as to your take readers…xxx dr.c.

Before You Became “Just Friends”: Self-Deception and The Ex-

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Ever begin a committed relationship with a new someone, who unwaveringly expects your complete acceptance of a recent ex- as “just friends”… wherein past relationship with said ex- was long-term and recent?

If so, did it make you wary when they insisted on the innocence of remaining “best friends”, “most valued confidents”, and “cuddle buddies” with this other?

And…Did you even question your own sanity at questioning this behavior (e.g.,  “Am I crazy or is this weird?”)?

You shouldn’t have.

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I remember once I had a relationship in which my partner indicated that I should be “ok” with his just-friends-now-ex and he occasionally cuddling and sharing a bed when she, “needed” him with the assurance that, “nothing sexual” would happen. My reaction:

Ummmm WHAT?!?! Are you fucking kidding me? NO.

Sex or no sex, THAT is sharing intimacy…which may be ok in certain situations (that we dictate, as a couple), but what’s with the self-deception? The thing is, he knew it (“actions speak louder….”and all that jazz).

WE ALL KNOW IT.

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Let’s be honest, letting go of love, even when it’s bad, is difficult. Because of this we often morph the romantic aspects of intimacy into what we re-term “close friendship”. But the truth is…it takes TIME to re-develop a relationship with a past love. Let me stress, I am not saying it can’t happen…I am saying it takes time and the complete and total acceptance of both parties to:

THE END OF MUTUAL INTIMACY.

I don’t mean being able to say, “we broke up,” or changing your Facebook status, or even moving-out and returning your key. I mean (to reiterate):

THE END OF MUTUAL INTIMACY!

And that acceptance…simply is not…well, SIMPLE.

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I imagine this post is about allowing ourselves to see the ending of a relationship as a process…without kidding ourselves about unconscious wishes…and unfulfilled desires…because it’s DAMN HARD TO LET GO…even when we want to/need to/should let go. And if we can work through that process without dragging a third party through all our “dirt”…well then…I imagine we can call that…a well-done ending, if there ever was such a thing in love…or in life.

Happy weekend lovers, dr.c.

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Someone told me… #HumpDay #Quote

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Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying ‘You gave me the wrong key! (Anais Nin)

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Hmmmnnn…a wise man once said don’t trust your lover…WITH ANYONE…do you agree?

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#Humpday Thoughts…xxx dr.c.

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