Portrait of a NymphoBrainiac #2: Audrey Love

Audrey Love. – NYC/LA Model/Pin Up/Dancer/Designer.

I have known this fierce nymph for a while now, and watching her evolve has been a great pleasure. From a girl with a head-full-of-dreams, to a woman actually manifesting those wishes…her quiet beauty and gentle poise are enough to topple hearts and intrigue even the most hardened cynic.

When I asked her for an interview (via text, actually) on her thoughts, feelings, and interests regarding sex, she hesitated, “trying to find the words.” Part of her hesitation was that she felt that there were so many “kinks” and “connections,” to explore that she felt unable to answer from a place of knowing, which made me question:

Do we ever REALLY know what we’re “all about” when it comes to sex?

When I look back on my own sexual life-experiences I wonder if there is any real discernible pattern. Certainly not from the outside looking in, but to me…it’s been a many-layered kaleidoscope, an evolution that (oddly) seems to have taken me right back to where I started…but I digress…

“Where I started”…sounds eerily familiar to where my young friend is today:

The acknowledgement of the self as a sexually powerful creature and yet, not quite knowing what to do with that power…that, desire.

Oh, What to Do…with that feeling of being split-off or separated from your unfocused sexual potential, your unrequited desire.

Perhaps, our sexuality is best understood as a mirrored-self.

A self of exploration, an experiential or felt-self.

Well, Audrey…your journey as a NymphoBrainiac has just begun…and as my sexual-self smiles knowingly and winks back at yours, she says:

“I’ll see you on the other side, my Love…”

xxx, Dr.NB

(Photo taken by me with a Nikon D5500 at Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, Sakura Matsuri 2017)

 

Portrait of a NymphoBrainiac: #1 Memento Mori

This post marks the beginning of a new series: Portraits of NymphoBrainiacs; combining unique portraiture with the subjects thoughts on sex. As a reminder, a NymphoBrainiac is anyone who has an interest in the exploration of sensuality and/or sex…as a mindful act.

And so we begin, together…sharing our explorations with open hearts, curious senses, and hungry minds.

The Question:

What interests you most about sex?

NymphoBrainaic: Memento Mori

Sex, and myself as a sexual being, was traumatic and depersonalized for a large part of my adolescence and young adulthood. Nevertheless I was fascinated, obsessed even, with sex as a purely physical act. But, only anonymously, only as an objectification and degradation. My only understanding of physical intimacy was degradation and pain, so those were patterns i continued to look for. For a long time I couldn’t reconcile my physical body with myself the psychologically sexual being, which naturally lead to some very dark very abusive places. But then in college not only did I move away from my comfort zone physically I started learning more about philosophy. And, I met some really amazing women who gave me a safe space and encouraged me to explore not only my body but my sensuality without judgment, with love and support and tenderness. Ironically, or not, through sex and sexual expression I was able to reclaim those parts of myself that had been stolen. I started becoming a whole human being which culminated in being able choose to share intimate self with another on my own terms, without feeling afraid or absent or abused. For me, the most interesting thing about sex is its transformative properties. That it can be profound creation or destruction and often to some degree both. Now, my interests have continued to develop to explore sex as sacred, as ritual, as magic.

It has always struck me that those who are most interested in the erotic, as adults, often also have histories of abuse. Their journey is a difficult one, fraught with struggle, but their sensual truth…when they come to it…is so truly authentic, unapologetically so. Perhaps it is because they have experienced destruction…and have now, mindfully, chosen to cultivate creation from their pain…a sensual transformation from death into life.

What A beautiful first. 

Thank you, MM.

If you are interested in participating in this project, please contact me!

Every morning…

For the last year or so I have started every morning the same way…

I arrive at the office long before anyone else…one and a half hours to be exact, and I sit.

I sit and I meditate.

I sit and I review my goals…yearly, monthly, weekly, daily. And while these goals definitely impact my career, they are not specifically focused on my function at work, they are focused on my LIFE.

How can I cultivate more gratitude in my days?

What decisions, actions, and behaviors will bring my spirit, mind, and body into an alignment that serves me and my loved ones better?

What can I do, to be…better?

Lofty? Yes.

Grandiose? No.

I start my day here because this is the foundation from which I choose to walk through life.

I don’t tell you this to impress you…it’s fairly unimpressive really. My writings are filled with the minutia of my daily life, most of which contains musings on my many failures with a few successes sprinkled in; however, there are seven goals that direct my daily life, highly personal goals that I understand as my beacons of fulfillment…my guides.

At this point, I realize I may never achieve many of these goals, but I also realize:

That’s not the point (even though at first you think it is).

The point is the act itself…putting yourself out there…being “all-in” with something that is meaningful to you.

That’s true success…that’s walking the walk…even if, you never get there, you stayed your course…and if you did, you probably discovered that Dreams never actually die…no, they simply transform into something else…something better…for you.

 

 

Your Body. My Body.

Have you ever wondered why we seem drawn to look at other people’s bodies?

And often it’s not just looking…

It’s judging…

It’s comparing…

It’s rejecting…

It’s coveting…

But…It’s…NOT OUR BODY.

So then WHY?

Why do we feel compelled to silently (or not so silently) comment on another’s body? I’ll tell you why, it’s for the same reason we watch realityTV, it softens our own inner critic…

I’m not that bad.

I can have that too!

or…See she’s not that perfect.

But here’s the rub…here’s where the logic collapses. Engaging in this type of inner comparison doesn’t actually achieve its goal. It doesn’t make us feel better…it makes us feel worse. It makes us feel worse because it sidesteps our humanity…disabling our ability to feel compassion for ourselves; making it impossible to feel compassion for others. Funny how that works…that feedback loop of essential human-ness.

What makes us human isn’t our perfection, it’s our ability to accept, even love, our imperfection…because what I see in me, is what I see in you.

We are all mirrors.

It’s your responsibility to love you what you see.

xxx Dr.NB.

 

 

Cheers to the ‘Rebels’…especially, TODAY.

As we move into a more…”conservative time”….to occupy a social-political space that is “less than open”…

Remember that it is this very (seemingly constrictive) environment that gives rise to energized movements of expression, freedom, and great creativity…which some will label “rebellion,” and others will, more correctly, call: SURVIVAL.

Cheers to the “rebels”…while our actions may seem disruptive, our hearts are actually…aligned.

xxx

Dr.NB

(Pasties by Pastease)

It’s 4.20…

“In strict medical terms marijuana is far safer than many foods we commonly consume. For example, eating 10 raw potatoes can result in a toxic response. By comparison, it is physically impossible to eat enough marijuana to induce death. Marijuana in its natural form is one of the safest therapeutically active substances known to man. By any measure of rational analysis marijuana can be safely used within the supervised routine of medical care.

[DEA Administrative Law Judge – 1988]”
― Francis Young

“The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.”
― Carl Sagan

“I have always loved marijuana. It has been a source of joy and comfort to me for many years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of life, along with beer and ice and grapefruits -and millions of Americans agree with me.”―Hunter S. Thompson

Happy 420.

xxx,

Dr.NB

(photos by: Shutterbug Boudoir; pasties by: Pastease; Barbie bow: Lexa Terrestrial/ Electric Dollhouse; shoes: Jeffrey Campbell)

Stepping Out of ‘Your World’ to Embrace the World Around You: The Make Them Visible Foundation

Every once in awhile…someone has an idea that inspires…an idea bigger than themselves; an idea, that can truly make a difference. A friend of mine, in collaboration with others, is involved in a movement that I think embodies the spirit of compassion and social change, with a nod to the reality of our cultural obsessions…and I thought I’d share some of their work with you. I think it is necessary and relevant.

The Make Them Visible Foundation (MTVF) raises funding and awareness for homeless shelters and hunger organizations across the United States. The Foundation’s innovative fundraising and granting approach is the first of its kind in our country. It addresses the need for a collaborative movement, where non-profits work together to secure funds and harness change to humanize our homeless neighbors in need.

Our society is obsessed with fictional stories and prioritizes them above real ones. MTVF
launched a social media campaign that pits the stories of fictional TV
characters to stories of real individuals experiencing homelessness. Watch the emotionally
disruptive video that captures the road to homelessness which is complex, often
devastating, and yet, not void of hope.

A series of “episodes” or real stories of 5 individuals suffering from homelessness will be posted to MTVF’s Facebook page. Each story will conclude urging you to invest in a life and change the story. Join our campaign by following and sharing our Facebook page: www.facebook.com/MakeThemVisible.

We believe in leveraging the power of film and media to raise awareness and build advocacy. Check out our Effie Award winning Make Them Visible short film. It’s only 3.5 minutes and will change how you see the homeless.

Stepping out of your own space to embrace the world around you, should be a daily practice.

-Dr.NB

Pamela Anderson: Using Nudity…Cruelty Free!

Like her or not, Pamela Anderson is a cultural sex icon.

And in her latest incarnations, she has been more inclined to shed her clothing for the “betterment” of animal treatment than in the pages of “girly mags”, most notably for PETA and her own non-profit the Pamela Anderson Foundation . Most recently, Anderson has paired with French footwear designer Amélie Pichard on an all-vegan capsule collection and the ads…well, the ads are pure Pamela:

Selections from her Paper magazine interview:

You’ve worked with animal rights for such a long time. Why did you decide that now was a good time to collaborate on this retail line?

Vegan compassion is sexy. And I miss the fun! Being a woman is fun! Being a man is fun! No rules. I’m not the designer. Celebrities are not designers. I don’t like the word “celebrity,” since people can be famous for no good reason in this social media culture. Activism is fun.

What is beauty? It is any age. It is timeless. It’s hard to be glamorous in this digital world. I wish we still lived in black and white. People were more beautiful.

 

We have to know the past, to think of the future. We live in paradise. Politicians are telling us it’s OK. Media prints what politicians say. It’s not OK. We have to take charge, demonstrate.Act up! Beware people that repeat themselves over and over. It is a brainwashing trick used by Hitler.

All we can do as humans, as consumers, is search for the truth on our own… Go vegan if you can. Or at least eat less meat.

I wanted to contribute to fashion and beauty to offer cruelty-free fun choices. I have my compassionate lifestyle brand, Pammieslife.com, that I keep adding to, and this vegan shoe line made in France with Amélie Pichard.

Many of the looks have very much a beachy, Malibu vibe. Why did you decide on this aesthetic?

Pammies has a very beachy vibe. Just chill on the beach with dogs, kids, friends: the real me. The (footware) line is a twist on the ’90s image. Why not enjoy it all? Embrace it.

The shoes have glitter on the soles, which is unexpected. What was the reasoning behind that design choice? Which one of you came up with that?

Ha! I came up with that. When I come home after a night out with friends, the bottoms of my shoes are always covered in glitter — like the rest of me. My friends are all artists. They like to play arts and crafts with me. I go out in one outfit and come home in a variation sometimes. Never give [photographer] David LaChapelle scissors (and tequila).

I’ve read that Amélie Pichard calls you her muse. How does it feel that your style and career has impacted someone like that?

It’s an honor. I’m flattered. It’s funny. She is so young and stylish. I find a lot of talented young artists her age; directors, etc. I’m fine with the new indie film and fashion babies. I’m excited to be working so much. I love to work hard, and I have a lot of fun being a muse. It just means I have to be me — that’s my job! I feel like I’ll keep working forever.

It’s a great time for me right now. My kids are grown. I’m so proud of them, and they are very proud of Mom. It’s very freeing to still be able to be myself. What a relief. And, to have my kids’ approval, respect and love is all I need. I even have a man in my life that gets me like never before. That is everything!

We will change the world. All of us. We all just need to do our part. And feel loved. That’s when we are at our best. I wish that for everyone. We have paradise beneath our feet. We must change to a green economy, and things will get better. More equality.

It’s fun; it’s innovative. We are all the architects of a new world. Maybe a new religion: loving the planet and all its beings. Let the ocean regenerate itself. And save the rainforest.

Bless everyone. I hope you can find your purpose like I have. A wild journey.

 

Pamela Anderson is 48 years old. (I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in.)

Yes, she looks fantastic…but more than that I applaud her for leveraging what may be considered an exploited commodity (her body) to benefit a cause she has championed for decades.

Pammy, she will always be my fantasy…Dr.NB.

A beauty evolution.

Artist, Aleah Chapin

***

there are some pretty people

on this earth, my goodness.

the sad part is it takes most

people a lifetime to realize

what pretty is

and how to see it.

deathbeds are

revelations of our aesthetic

existence.

one day it will be much too late

and

the burden of beauty unseen

will hit you like a comet to the

chest;

all I ask from you now

is to love what is difficult

to love and

find what is difficult to see.

–Christopher Poindexter (emphasis added)

I have been thinking a lot about beauty these days…probably related to the most recent (if exhaustingly derivative) wave of social media obsessions (makeup, bodies, fashion, etc.) which always seem to reflect beauty norms in the most insidious manner…or maybe because as I approach a “certain age” I find…

I am more aware,

more appreciative,

and more accepting of beauty in ALL forms.

Meaning I see beauty in those visions, sounds, textures, tastes that previously I had rejected or quite honestly…hadn’t even noticed

(because these experiences are typically not spoon-fed to us…as beauty).

It’s sad…I mourn the loss, the expanse of beauty, I only now understand.

It is also wonderful.

It’s so new.

It’s so lush…it has a depth and a richness, a confidence I’ve never before known.

I don’t think I could have known it, with my untuned senses…blunted by the heavy weight thrown mostly on the young…weight you don’t even fully perceive until you become “old-enough”…and then, you shed it.

You shed it and you become beauty.

But unlike any you’ve ever known…because it’s source is your heart,

it’s conduit…your soul.

This daily realization, found in the smallest experiences…brings me to tears.

-Dr.NB.

Gender & Sex: Expression and Identity and Orientation…Oh My!

While the origin of the Gingerbread Person infographic seems to be mired in controversy (more about that here), I find it extremely helpful in navigating the increasingly complex and multi-faceted reality of self-other orientation(s) today. Besides, there is something immediately approachable about a cookie cut-out…must be the food angle.

😉

Dr.NymphoBrainaic