TATTOO YOU – the Narcissistic Relationship Between Tattoos and Social Media

“This generation’s obsession with body art is another blow to the original culture of rebellion. To have numerous tattoos thirty years ago allowed one to rest on the fringes of society. But in today’s world, little can make one fit in more than a dazzling image of seemingly anything, strutting across one’s arms or torso.

Social media truly is an alternative universe, where one can fall under the false impression that receiving yet another meaningless tattoo delivers the idea that they are living an ambitious and authentic lifestyle.”

– Interesting piece critiquing the mass popularization of tattooing…not sure I agree completely, but it’s a well laid out argument! In the meantime…please do enjoy some lovely inked skin candy…just getting you prepped for the The Ink Party  (click to link to FB invite) in NYC this Saturday…talk about a narcissistic endeavor…I don’t know about you, but for me ink/body art isn’t about rebellion…it’s about expression, and to me that is ALWAYS authentic…xxx c.

 

 

 

James Pavel

Opinion 
By James Pavel 

 Babies, beaches and half-naked bodies are waiting to be discovered on what appears as almost every social media profile page. But a new, popular method of attracting attention has become tattoos, or new tattoos that have recently been penned on one’s body by an anonymous artist, who in reality, usually deserves all and sole credit for the artistic wizardry. 

 The adoption of tattoos as a new source of attention-craving has allowed individuals to surrender the sum of their identity to tattoos through social media. 

 The lower-back tat might be out, but in are half-arm sleeves, full-arm sleeves, rib-cage tattoos and basically anything that involves piercing the skin with a permanent needle. 

 In 2013, job titles or true achievements are thrown in the back-seat replaced by the immediate gratification that tattoos and social media postings can offer. Tattoos are a painful but mostly rewarding body alteration while…

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What to Do When His Penis Is Too Big for You

Last week I posted this:

 

And so now…I am re-blogging the above! 😉 c.

GrownUpSexEd

 

So often we hear “bigger is better,” but what happens when bigger is too big?  Don’t laugh.  This is a serious problem.  Although you may not be coming in contact with overzealous penises often, the truth of the matter is, they are out there, and many women and men struggle with how to handle them.

It can be a really sensitive subject for both parties, but not taking certain precautions can result in pain, self-consciousness and even injury.  That’s right, injury.  If you and your partner are not careful and he penetrates you too deeply, injury can occur to the cervix at the end of the vaginal canal.  So what should you do if his penis is too big for you?  Read on for some expert tips.

 

Arouse:  Foreplay is an absolute must when preparing to have sex with a well-endowed man.  By getting aroused, your vagina secretes…

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#Tumblr Feed Tuesday – 8

So many positions…there never seems to be enough time…xxx Happy Tuesday! xxx c.

4 Signs Your Relationship Is Totally Over

“4. You Make Excuses. Excuses are monuments of inadequacy. If you are making them, you need to question why. If you know your guy isn’t stepping up to par, but you continue to defend his behaviors to those around you, it might be time to second guess your decisions. Not everyone is perfect, why when you continue to make excuses for someone when you know you deserve better, what are you waiting for. If he’s too tired, too stressed, too overwhelmed to be a good boyfriend, then you are too busy for his bullshit. ” – yep. xxx c.

I am so Wet…I Blame it on the Rain!

The Rain Scene in 9 1/2 weeks is…one of the hottest scenes ever filmed.

(click link below to view scene)

9 1/2 weeks sex scene in rain by poisonhart

“Love like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots keeping itself alive.” -Paul Coelho

“I love you because no two snowflakes are alike, and it is possible, if you stand tippy-toe, to walk between the raindrops.” – Nikki Giovanni

“Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.” – Roger Miller

“The only noise now was the rain, pattering softly with the magnificent indifference of nature for the tangled passions of humans.” – Sherwood Smith

“If people were rain i was a drizzle and she was a hurricane.” – John Green

“I had gotten so used to the taste of rain that I forgot what the sun tasted like. Bittersweet.” – Anne Patrick

There is just something about the rain…about being wet in general…it’s like slippery sweet sex…(and yes those last two images are me) xxx c.

53 Quotes That Will Make You Rethink Everything

#8 “To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.” ― Arundhati Roy

Porn Just Doesn’t Turn HER On…But HE Loves it!

Porn is a sticky subject for a lot of us (yes I meant to be pun-ny).

We have our social views:
Everyone watches it!

We have our personal views:
Porn is cheesy, but it gets the job done.

We have our political views:
Porn doesn’t accurately reflect any sex I have ever had or will have…ever.

But I recently saw a political cartoon concerning lesbians, sex, and porn:

The idea was, if you are anti-gay how can you watch “lesbian-porn”

And it got me thinking:

When we watch two women have sex in porn are we in any way equating it with lesbian sex?

Do we equate ANY sexy we see in porn with real-life sex?

And do the answers to those questions differ by gender and sexual orientation?

Better question:

Does ANY woman relate to the women in porn from a sexual standpoint?

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that while I think men (straight and gay) in some manner do relate to porn (they are after all able to “insert” themselves into the scene during masturbation, at the very least) I do NOT think that women relate, at least not on the same level.

Now let me clarify, I am not talking about alt or lesbian or feminist (yes I made one of those) porn, I am speaking of mainstream-porn.

So now the question becomes:

Why don’t we (women) relate?
Because the women in porn don’t look like us? Fuck like us? Orgasm like us?
But, do the men in porn fuck like any men we know? No, not really…

Here we get to the core of the matter, the hilt, while men I think would like to imagine that they fuck like porn stars, women aren’t particularly turned-on at all by the sex-scenes portrayed in the majority of mainstream porn (and yet women are still buying vibrators, it’s not like we aren’t masturbating as much as men, just not to porn).

Example:

This weekend I watched A Room in Rome (a totally female driven extremely sexual film about two women who are lovers), with a another woman and a man. There were multiple graphic sex scenes in the film; in fact the majority of the film is about sex and desire.

To me, these sex scenes were hot.

To her these sex scenes were hot.

To him these sex scenes were…boring.

Why the stark difference in opinion? Because when women watch sex, we want reality because passion is the most important (or one of the most important) component(s) to arrousal and orgasm for us. And when men watch sex, they want non-reality, fantasy.

I am suggesting here that for men stepping out of the day-to-day is part of the pleasure of sex and masturbation, whereas for many women the pleasure is in actually indulging in reality…making it more real…we fantasize about actual lovers or those we wish were our lovers…men fanaticize about women they will never meet.

YES, I know I am over-generalizing and certainly women fantasize about dream-lovers and porn stars and men masturbate to their current real-life lovers. But the interesting and meaningful point to this tangent is that women and men conceive of arousal in sex and masturbation differently, and porn is just a reflection of that:

Why is female-based porn not a huge seller?
We don’t need it.

Why is male-based porn one of the largest industries in this country?
They need it.

So I suppose the real issue isn’t about porn vs. reality, rather it’s about real differences between men and women. And while women all to often get offended when men get turned-on by superficial fantasies, and men appear baffled by what women find arousing…once again we return to a repeating theme:

It’s about accepting and respecting differences and preferences when it comes to sex…variety is, after all, the spice of life. And in the end I really don’t care HOW you get turned-on just THAT you get turned on!

xxx dr.c.

The Cheat: It’s Not About What You Don’t Feel

I recently read a blog (re-blogged above) addressing the issue of cheating, without getting into details, the crux was:

Because I don’t feel guilt/disgust/shame, and “should”, I am somehow bad/wrong (“sociopath” is the word that was actually used).

So, considering that the majority of us have both cheated and been cheated-on…is it any wonder that probably more than a few of us have cultivated an apathetic attitude concerning the whole scenario? And if so, why?

I have a few guesses.

One, I think that we live in a society that both accepts and maybe even encourages cheating…it’s become almost a “part” of one’s modern relationship:

We all know not to ask what our significant other is up-to when not with us during those critical first three to four months of a new relationship when we likewise don’t want them to know what we are up to.

I would also add that the rises of alt/poly/swinger/fuck-buddy relationship statuses are simply an adaptation to what is reality:

It’s not cheating if we agree on it.

As someone who has engaged in these alternative-type romantic scenarios, which I would argue are a healthier approach to infidelity than simply turning the other cheek; I have found that honesty is still key to creating and maintaining a love relationship.

I am not saying people won’t ever cheat in alt-relationships, or in fact that I won’t ever cheat…I guess I am saying, accept reality and adapt. If that means alt partnering ok, if that means walking away when you are cheated on great, if it means taking responsibility when you are the cheater all right. Just don’t sink into apathy either because you “should feel bad” and don’t or because you just don’t want to explore the alternative (feeling)…Why? Well because you…him…her…us…we are all better than that.

xxx c.

My Mind to Your Mind

Have you ever cheated on someone before?

 

I suppose this one would have to come up at some point. With the nature of the things I write and the questions about monogamy etc I imagine it was inevitable. So here comes the not so surprising truth.

 

Yes. Yes I have. To be honest my first ever experience was under the surprisingly exhilarating cloud of cheating. I wasn’t the cheater in that case but I was well acquainted with the person being cheated on. I will not say any more that that because this is one truth that could seriously damage a long standing relationship. Suffice to say it was a mistake for me to participate in the event, but we find surprising ways to justify our misdeeds.

 

So yes I have cheated. I suppose the strangest element of the situation was my lack of feeling any remorse…

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The (Potential) Trouble with 3Somes

“…at this point, I’ve lost count of how many 3somes I’ve had with her and E, and now 2 with her and J. It’s been a lot. I’m bi, I love it. But I’m getting a little frustrated with her, I mean we kiss and touch but she never touches me beyond my breasts. I’m starting to feel like she’s just not interested in touching me or reciprocating how I make her feel.” (excerpt reblogged from Kinky Poly blog’s “Girl Experiences – Part II”)

As someone who has walked the line of polyamory and non-monogamy in most of my romantic relationships for many years now, I think that desire-mismatches (which can go either direction by the way) are common. So what do you do?

This author was open for a dialogue with her primary (male) partner, which I think is essential…however it doesn’t really solve the issue. For whatever reason, if “she” just isn’t reciprocating, “she” is most likely going to continue that pattern.

Roles in polyamorous relationships are fairly quickly defined and accepted…probably a reflection of group dynamics in general. In other words, because no one in the triad is “loved”/desired the same, we strive for fairly well-defined roles in that system. Truly, I think it is this type of mis-match that becomes the downfall of most polyamorous love relationships.

In my last poly-relationship that involved separate romantic partners (one man and one woman), I made the decision to end it with one partner because I knew I couldn’t give her what she REALLY wanted (“One day I know you are going to break up with him and just be with me!”) = monogamy.

I think the best approach in these dicey situations is one of compassion, not just towards the other but also towards yourself. If the situation is making you uncomfortable, yes discuss it, but then really consider and accept that that may not change anything and be prepared to sever at least one of the relationships.

I know this approach sounds a bit extreme or rash…but dealing with the wants/needs/desires from multiple partners can quickly become volatile if not immediately addressed…possibly leaving “you” alone…which wouldn’t be the point of a polyamorous life at all, now would it? xxx dr.c.

Happy Hump Day…images to make you sweat.

and scream…xxx conchita