The Cheat: It’s Not About What You Don’t Feel


I recently read a blog (re-blogged above) addressing the issue of cheating, without getting into details, the crux was:

Because I don’t feel guilt/disgust/shame, and “should”, I am somehow bad/wrong (“sociopath” is the word that was actually used).

So, considering that the majority of us have both cheated and been cheated-on…is it any wonder that probably more than a few of us have cultivated an apathetic attitude concerning the whole scenario? And if so, why?

I have a few guesses.

One, I think that we live in a society that both accepts and maybe even encourages cheating…it’s become almost a “part” of one’s modern relationship:

We all know not to ask what our significant other is up-to when not with us during those critical first three to four months of a new relationship when we likewise don’t want them to know what we are up to.

I would also add that the rises of alt/poly/swinger/fuck-buddy relationship statuses are simply an adaptation to what is reality:

It’s not cheating if we agree on it.

As someone who has engaged in these alternative-type romantic scenarios, which I would argue are a healthier approach to infidelity than simply turning the other cheek; I have found that honesty is still key to creating and maintaining a love relationship.

I am not saying people won’t ever cheat in alt-relationships, or in fact that I won’t ever cheat…I guess I am saying, accept reality and adapt. If that means alt partnering ok, if that means walking away when you are cheated on great, if it means taking responsibility when you are the cheater all right. Just don’t sink into apathy either because you “should feel bad” and don’t or because you just don’t want to explore the alternative (feeling)…Why? Well because you…him…her…us…we are all better than that.

xxx c.

My Mind to Your Mind

Have you ever cheated on someone before?


I suppose this one would have to come up at some point. With the nature of the things I write and the questions about monogamy etc I imagine it was inevitable. So here comes the not so surprising truth.


Yes. Yes I have. To be honest my first ever experience was under the surprisingly exhilarating cloud of cheating. I wasn’t the cheater in that case but I was well acquainted with the person being cheated on. I will not say any more that that because this is one truth that could seriously damage a long standing relationship. Suffice to say it was a mistake for me to participate in the event, but we find surprising ways to justify our misdeeds.


So yes I have cheated. I suppose the strangest element of the situation was my lack of feeling any remorse…

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2 thoughts on “The Cheat: It’s Not About What You Don’t Feel

  1. Rosalinda says:

    I want to thank you for bringi.g this topic ingo the Light and Explaining why its important to stop and think about it differently!

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