‘I Do Both Jay & Jane’: A bisexual girl’s double-bind

Female bisexuality has become a bit of a commodity, of late.

The media has inflated and over saturated the fantasy of the girl-boy-girl threesome to the point of near frenzy in our society.

I see it no more clearly than in the swinger community itself. A community that I am all-too familiar with. A community that was previously dominated by committed heterosexual couples that wish to swap opposite sex partners with other like-minded couples.

That has changed.

Throughout the last six years I have slowly watched bisexual women become the norm in The Lifestyle. And while many Lifestyle couples still swap, a growing majority are looking for women that will “play” with both male-and-female partners. In fact the Lifestyle parties themselves are overrun by women in various sexual situation with…OTHER WOMEN.

As a bisexual woman, this is NOT a necessarily bad thing, but it IS something to note as reflective of some essential change in the Lifestyle community itself; meaning that a new level of responsibility has been placed on the women in the Lifestyle scene:

I DO BOTH JAY & JANE,

THEY MAKE ME FEEL THE SAME.

However, I would argue that this change is not localized in the swinger community, rather it is global among today’s young-adult population. With the acceptance and even “celebration” of the Bisexual Woman, the game of sex and love has been…altered. And to make thing just that much more complicated, there is a growing percentage of men in monogamous relationships who do not understand sexual interactions between two women as “cheating”on that relationship, in fact many encourage such play…and remember these are “normal couples” I refer to here, NOT swingers.

Now I could tackle this phenomenon on many levels: the objectification of women in general, the “pornofication” of lesbian relationships, the historical need for men to make women’s sexuality “less than”…but for this blog entry…I would like to address the women…and the double-bind that is created for us in such a described socio-politcal climate:

I’VE GOT TO HAVE THEM BOTH YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND

SOMETIMES I NEED JANE, SOMETIMES I NEED A MAN.

Of course it is not that simple, well perhaps sometimes it is…but it never stays as such. Without question, we are always drawn back into the morays of society and asked to choose…and we know WHO society would have us choose.

I’VE GOT A DECISION WHICH ONE SHOULD I CHOOSE

WHEN IT COMES TO JAY & JANE THERE’S JUST NO WAY TO LOSE.

As bisexual women we are caught between an alternative politically relevant cause and an acceptable “normative” bond…and sooner or later…the pressure is on us (from both sides) to…just CHOOSE.

Or maybe it’s really just about sexual attraction…love…pleasure…desire.

I DO BOTH JAY AND JANE.

THEY MAKE ME FEEL THE SAME.

We know it’s not. And so, as we struggle towards definition and placement in society as bisexual women, it is our responsibility to negotiate this double-bind in a manner that is both respectful to our partner/s and to ourselves while simultaneously embracing our sexuality without sensationalizing or objectifying.

It is a difficult task…but perhaps more fun than it sounds…

Salute to Sexual Freedom of Choice!

Now, please enjoy the song that inspired THIS BLOG…Jay & Jane, by Larissa…with a special Thank to Tanya who reminded me, not only of this song but of how important, essential, and fun it is to be BISEXUAL…thank you, xxx c.

I met a boy his name was Jay he was so fine
I met a girl her name was Jane she wanted to be mine
I met a boy his name was Jay he was the one
I met a girl her name was Jane she wanted to have fun
He had a vision of things that I needed
She understood how a woman should be treated
I’ve got a decision which one should I choose
When it comes to Jay and Jane there’s just no way to lose

I do both Jay & Jane, they make me feel the same
There’s no shame to my game
I do both Jay & Jane
I do both Jay & Jane
They make me feel the same
There’s no shame to my game
I do both Jay & Jane
I do both Jay & Jane

Jane is sweet like honey, the taste I’m teasing
She knows how to hit the spot, her touch is pleasing
Jay is strong like brandy, the strength I’m feeling
He knows how to make me hot, his heat is healing babe
He is a special man long, rough, and rugged
She’s a diamond she shines like a nugget
I’ve got to have them both you just don’t understand
Sometimes I call on Jane, sometimes I need a man

I do both Jay & Jane…

6 thoughts on “‘I Do Both Jay & Jane’: A bisexual girl’s double-bind

  1. Miranda says:

    Ha, never heard that song before.

    Nothing against the growing number of bisexual women in the lifestyle, but I do sometimes get a bit bent out of shape when a girl claims bi and it turns out she is into it simply to show off or obey her husband.
    Not very cool, and it leaves a bad feeling afterwards.
    I used feeling.

    • Charly CONCHITA Carlyle says:

      Yes well you have articulated the great irritation of every bi-girl’s life! I think I write about it here…just follow one of the “swinger” tags…but it’s probably worth another once-over in terms of some “opinion” writing…THANK YOU for you comment…I love ti when they get me thinking!!! xxx c

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