Et Tu, Brute?: I Am Tried In the Court Of Opinion By A Colleague

So…I recieve this response to my blog…from a colleague, clearly…and I respond in kind.

While I realize this is only the first of what will be many who disagree on and react against my life choices (and is simply representative to what I have already run up against)…it makes it no less hurtful…leaving me feeling disempowered and saddened as it has only ever been my hope to connect and enrich, never to divide or engender “hate”. Still here it is, perhaps you will pass your own judgment as well:

(From a writer identifying only as,  “Concerned”) 

I’m writing to express my concern – if you are a psychologist, you are jeopardizing your license and standing in the field with this and linked sites. I want to encourage you to remove these materials from the web. This blurring of boundaries can be harmful to your patients if they come across them and may destroy your career. I’m wishing you the best with this message.

(What follows is my address)

This is an interesting response, although uninformed & closed-minded, it is what I should expect when opening portions of my life to public forum…essentially it is judgment and condemnation only thinly veiled by “concern”.

I am interested to know what this reader believes I have done in my life that would jeopardize my patients’ welfare and/or my license? When by all accounts, I have chosen a path that explores and expresses sensuality and sexuality in a positive and respectful manner, with those I love and care about, my projects chosen with only the utmost care.

As for my patients directly, in what way have I “blurred boundaries”? For you (“Concerned”) to assume that I haven’t taken the most conscientious measures to protect my personal identity, my patients and the mindful work I do with them is simply atrocious!

After 6 YEARS of working through the lens of compassion, straddling my two worlds, careful to negotiate a balance, it STILL shocks me that someone would attack my actions in such a way…What is it exactly that offends you so? Is is my security…my curiosity…my success…my happiness…my sensuality…my desire to find a way to explore and develop these alternate facets of my life, facets that I might conclude are common to MANY MANY people?

The difference, and I think what threatens you so obviously, being that I have made the personal public, in a way. That I have exposed what so many sadly hide. And yet what you have not guessed, nor even inquired after, is the great care I have taken to secure my OWN confidentiality, out of respect for the very important, even sacred, relationship between therapist and patient. And if, as can happen with ANY therapist, my personal life is discovered by a patient in a way that might negatively impact treatment, then I am confident that through compassion and mindfully cultivated common respect we will be able to create a place of acceptance…(and refer them to another capable clinician)…a process that can, as you know, be as therapeutic as any intervention in treatment. It has never been my intention to expose or exploit my patients and I am confident that the measures I have taken ensure that that will never be the case.

For you, “Concerned,” to assume that my life-choices embody negative and destructive forces in treatment is overly simplistic and borderline paranoid…what about the therapist who beats his wife? Abuses her children? Cheats on their spouse…are you to suggest that because their actions are less public…are they no longer culpable? I live a free, responsible, loving…and very healthy existence, one that I am happy to share with those who wish to approach the world in a similar fashion…but because my choices are not the norm…they are, to you, condemnable? I challenge you to rethink that verdict…with all of the knowledge and training that you hint at possessing, I challenge you to find ANY real crime in my actions…any unethical behavior…Portraying sex in a positive and open manner is all you will find…and if you still choose to pass judgment on THAT, then I have no argument here and your attack on me was not meant as a dialogue but merely as an opportunity to resanctify your own archaic and self-serving beliefs…and in fact I don’t stand a chance in your court of opinion…do I? Did I ever?

Are my choices in life THAT destructive so as to actually damage another? Do you really believe that? Or is it simply a profession that eschews sexuality in its practitioners that has you wielding such harsh criticism? Do my boundaries truly seem blurred, or is your statement based on your own enmeshed approach to your patients? What concerns you so very much that you would threaten me…as you truly have…AND my career? I ask you “concerned,” who am I hurting? Do you even KNOW? Or are you simply aiming judgment instead of admitting fear of what you do not understand rather than reaching into your own soul and discovering the origin of this rage?

It is my experience that when something is done with a careful and conscious heart and love…the results are reflective of that state…I look forward to your response, and will be writing further on this…AND I ask you to step out of your conflicted little box and open you mind…just a bit…you might find something you actually enjoy…living.

best, c.

7 thoughts on “Et Tu, Brute?: I Am Tried In the Court Of Opinion By A Colleague

  1. Gi says:

    after years of theraphy and I mean 15 yrs …. all I come across was people with a close mind, who reapeated things from a book and never understhood the patient. I believe when a person seeks anywhere from a sex therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, marriage and family counselors, social workers, and licensed professional counselors. They still have hope for a real person, with real feelings and able to deal with their peoblems, see beyond, respect bounderies, and most important I think a person expect that HELPER to understhand about their own self. otherwise they have no place on that chair in front of me.
    Dr K. ( AKA Conchitta ) you have been nothing but an inspiration, for the courage that you have to step outside of the ordinary judgemental world that we live in and accept those ( NOT ALL ) but those who needs, deserve and counts with your help.

    Thank you

  2. CK says:

    Wow C,

    Let me Start by saying u have helped me in so many ways. When I met you a year ago. Me and My Husband were on our last try to make things work. We been to therapists.. No one could help us… we just fell out of love, friendship ect……. I mean we were done. But I got married and I was not going to give in to all that we accomplished together.. All I have to say is U see us out now we have been together for 10years… When people see us out they think that we just met… Alot of that has to do with you.. For Showing us that it is okay to feel a certain way and do things that may not be the norm..But It showed me that u don’t have to lie and cheat to fufill what u desire. U can share it with your loved one and feel totally confident in your self and eachother… Thank You I don’t know where my life would be right know if it wasn’t for you…xoxo
    CK

  3. teo says:

    I think that accepting and confidently showing your dialectic self is the only right thing to do. How can someone expect that you’ll help people finding peace with their inner conflicts, who are often connected with hiding something from others or ourselves, by advising you to do it by yourself?

    You know you’re doing the better thing and you’ve defended your position well too. I’m just showing some support 🙂

  4. xesenta says:

    Gr8 response, Dr! And you are correct _ even your Colleague, Dr. Sherre Hite has been criticised for “indulging” in sexual experimentation. Sex is the universal rainbow with the pot of Gold sought after by every living organism. In this respect, you are playing with Fire! Yet, you seem to be up for the challenge! Viva la Conchita!

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