On Being A Bisexual Woman:Do Women & Men Connect Differently When It Comes To SEX? (Part I)

There are a million ways in which this entry might go…and in the future I do hope to continue to explore this subject so near and dear to my identity…so think of this as Chapter One, incomplete and yet hopefully the beginning of an evolution of something much more complete and complex…a journey…of course I invite your comments and criticism. 

I was recently asked to interview/audition for a new and very exciting reality series slotted for cable, the show is about various NYC women who are Bi-Sexual. I thought this was an interesting premise since we have all peaked at the L-Word and certainly there are enough gay-male reality shows to make it a viable topic of interest for viewers…not to mention, it is reality to me. 

First off I want to state that the bi-sexual community suffers from an inherent identity crisis. We are neither gay nor straight, nor do we have the political backing of either the religious right or the liberal parties…in fact there aren’t many political policies unique to being bi-sexual! Can you think of any? No. That said, we don’t fit neatly into a category and thus garner scepticism from just about everyone. 

We are in between. 

And so…I think it would be nice to have a little “air time” a chance to create a more definitive identity and perhaps (and I shudder even as I say this) an “aware” (meaning non-objectifying) reality series is the vessel. 

On the interview (taped to be aired as a trailer for the series) I was asked to answer a series of questions which really got me thinking about all of this…most related to somehow choosing either which sex was “better” or defining the differences between them…and you know perhaps this is what makes me truly bisexual: I cannot say who is “better” but I can definitely appreciate both sexes for their differences…their differences are in fact what make each so uniquely HOT! 

SEX with WOMEN …

I want IT ALL with women…I want to touch, to taste, to smell, lick. I want to indulge in HER with all of my senses…I want ALL of her…including her emotions…her feelings…EVERYTHING!

This is not only a merging of bodies this is an enmeshment of souls to me, even if it is only casual sex. I may never see this woman again, but in that moment I want all of her self. Unlike when I am with a man, I don’t hesitate or question I simply am in the moment and try to share of much as I can with that woman…lost. I feel lost when I have sex with a woman…and interestingly (I feel) found when we part.

Call it centuries of like socialization or simply a narcissistic-fantasy, but I beleieve women really know women, from a sensual perspective…which brings me to what makes SEX WITH A MAN equally as wonderful… 


I don’t want it all…because I am not sure I not what “all” means when it comes to a man. But what I want…I want raw…I want deep…I want full-physical contact!

With men, sex feels less intuitive and graceful and more like a kind of stumbling towards exstacy…it is no less ecstatic to me than sex with women…it is simply different. The connection is based more on physicality. I think that the emotion comes, but it is often not as well expressed, and often misundertood…still again it is just as beautiful. 

I don’t want to simplify and present men as purely mental/physical and women as emotional/expressive…but there are things that each sex just does better…overall. Of course there are exceptions and to generalize is just boring…but to be honest…these differences between men and women are what make me LOVE THEM BOTH EQUALLY…hmmmnnn 

Difference (men – women) = EQUAL (LOVE) 


If only we could see all the world’s differences as such…xxx c

5 thoughts on “On Being A Bisexual Woman:Do Women & Men Connect Differently When It Comes To SEX? (Part I)

  1. teo says:

    That was really interesting. I think your perception is reasonable and a lot of people can connect with it.
    If they do that show, you should be on it! You can present your views like no other and so you can help your community to become more understood and integrated 🙂

    Your writing is always so sensual…

    • Charly CONCHITA Carlyle says:

      Thank you…you know writing is kind of like a stamp of the writer…I can always tell your work…it touches the core of my conflicts and heart and needs…I suppose we all have our own special gift…it’s why I love reading your work as well…thank you again 🙂

  2. sexxibigirl says:

    You make it much easier for some to attempt to define someones sexuality and accept there feelings. i come from a family that would never accept and will always judge. I was scare and confuse for a while .i luckily met someone as crazy and loving as me that showed me how to truly love . i loved reading your work, you are a very beautiful and smart women i will look forward reading more of you.

    • Charly CONCHITA Carlyle says:

      You know…you caused me to reflect on those who “judge” and while I can defintely say that there was a time in my life when I felt extra sensitive to that…I think as I age that I, as you, have tried to surround myself with those who are accepting and non-judgmental…and something else, I have learned to accept that often “judging” originates from fear and that when someone utilizes it they are more often than not trying to say, “enough, this is scary, i need a boundary here,” and from THAT perspective I am much mroe aceepting of thier judgments, seen in the light of boundaries…they NEED to say “that is not me” of of fear not hate…makes it less personal i suppose…whatever keeps us happy…lol…thank you so much for your comments…best, c.

  3. Tarnished says:

    Much to people’s surprise, I identify as bisexual even though I’ve never had a female partner. (Heck, I’m 29 and have only had 1 male partner.) I enjoy looking at women, am sexually attracted to certain types, catch myself imagining what a random woman in the mall or grocery store would look like naked on my bed…but I don’t get along well with most women, so I don’t indulge that part of me. It’s more difficult too, because I wouldn’t think of it as a homosexual encounter since I think of myself as a guy. So I’m a non-cis gendered female who is sexually attracted to men and women, but has a touch phobia and severe physical trust issues.

    Pretty messed up… le sigh

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