I haven’t always enjoyed toys, and when I say toys I mean of the adult variety…vibes, in particular. Actually, it’s not that I didn’t enjoy them I just didn’t ever think to use them until I was in my early 30’s! I know, late bloomer right? But here’s the thing…I always enjoyed the intimacy of touch, be it of another or myself…the feeling of skin on skin was unmatchable.
I recall once in my late 20’s my Boyfriend, at the time, and I purchased one of those stap-on-around-the-penis-vibrates-clit jobs with the intent to blast us off to the moon I guess. But the battery pack weighed about 2 lbs. and the thing was so loud it felt like we were making love with a small alarm clock between us. Not to mention it slipped, constantly thus causing “dirty talk” that consisted of this:
“Can you feel it?”
“No…move it to the left?”
“Yeah there…no wait, yeah, no…”
Quite possibly one of the most disappointing sexual experiences of my life. After that I gave up for a bit…preferring my fingers to anything that required batteries…and then about 7 years later, I tried again.
As I began to explore my sexuality more thoroughly…I found that women enjoyed using toys not just on themselves but on one another…and after a party I attended where a naughty girl teased me with the tiny yet notorious “bullet”…I thought I needed to revise my “NO TOY” Policy!
I bought the Pocket Rocket first…and quietly learned about what I had been missing out on…wow! This was fun!
I acquired all sorts of other toys as well…G-Spot Vibe…Balls…Butt Plugs…on and on…and then…I found: THE RABBIT and reached a new high in masturbation…I think the first time I used it I came in 5 seconds! And then again in another 3…I was clenched so tight I could barely get it out! I was actually SCARED! HA! Death By VIBE!
All of my self-pleasure adventures weren’t so smooth though…as my friend Liz recalls I’m sure…the first time on the Sybian…I leaned a but too hard on the “nubs” and rubbed off all the skin on my clit…to the point of bleeding! Oh My! What can I say? That thing is powerful!
As I have said up to that point most of my mechanical play was with myself and other women…because, and maybe some of you can relate to this, my boyfriends were actually jealous of my toys! They eyed there phallic shape and superhuman vibrations with envy and suspicion. I actually had one man run away after seeing me use one (see previous entry)! Which is funny when you think about it…that a man, whole and complete would be afraid of a disembodied PENIS! But maybe that says something about mens tendency to objectify. Perhaps they even objectify themselves! Well, whatever the reason I found that I kept my toys “underground” so to speak (actually hidden in an artful box)…until I met a man who…
not only didn’t mind my toys…or my playing with them…but loved to watch…encouraged their use…and even facilitated their WORK! This was a new level of pleasure…not better than actual sex or skin on skin, of course…but it was nice to share this intimate act…one that I had previously felt slightly ashamed about, or at least rebellious…with someone I cared about, someone I love.
Again I am struck by how…through separation from another (masturbation)…I was taught to reconnect to another (mutual-masturbation)…I like that…Maybe “they” were right, you have to (make) love to yourself before you can (make) love another!