Swinger Parties: My Sexual-Evolution

This weekend was the Sexxymofo (www.sexxymofo.com) Lingerie Party at Nikki Beach…I am their hostess and long time Lifestyler (translate: person involved in the swinger community) and it has been nearly 6 years since I was first fascinated and then identified with this…Way of Life?…Choice in Sexuality?…Alternate Lifestyle? However you choose to construct it, being involved in the Lifestyle Community is something unique to each couple and even each individual. Gone are the 70’s Swingers with their shag rugs and latch key parties, the modern swinger  occupies a myriad of various sexual moray and relationship permutations. Which is actually what I love about the Lifestyle today. It is less about getting into your neighbor’s bedroom and more about erotic exploration and collaboration with your lover. The parties today are conceptualized from a feminine perspective and as such the pace of expressed sensuality is less overt, softer, and more erotic overall. Thus, careful attention is paid to: setting, music, decore…all the little details that promise to tempt and tease. AND I LOVE IT!

Evolving from a party attendee and participant…to a hostess and organizer always was an organic choice albeit one with some consequences. I always enjoyed the excitement and mysticism these events carried…What will I see? Who will be there? What will be going on? What will I do? How will he/she/we react? All of these questions cultivated an excitement and even anxiety that only fueled my anticipation of the event…and later milling over the memories of these surprises: That Kiss, Her Taste, His Hands, Our Shared Passion…fueled many a subsequent and satisfying fantasy! However, when I became involved in the organization of the events themselves some of that heightened excitement at the unknown dissipated.

Or maybe it simply shifted…

Becoming a hostess for Lifestyle events marked a movement in my own sexuality…I became less of a participant and more of a voyeur. The fascination became enjoying the pleasure of others…watching them indulge in all the sexy details I had mindfully created for them. It was a little like eroticism-once-removed because while I wasn’t indulging with the same selfish and unscripted abandon, I was still garnering extreme sexual satisfaction from the enjoyment of others. But, as you may have surmised, that type of selflessness if just not natural or long-lasting for a natural-hedonist such as myself…hence,

SEXUAL-EVOLTION was in order…

The last few parties, while I have been just as focused on the inception and execution of the event itself, a new turn has twisted

Most frequently the Lifestyle has been shared with my long-term relationships and it is with a partner that I derive the most pleasure at these events and in the community itself. My Boyfriend, arrived to the Lifestyle through his relationship with me, and while the affiliation wasn’t necessarily an expected one for him I believe that he has come to enjoy not only my pleasure through such experiences but also is deriving his own…and as a consequence something special is happening between US…the excitement and stimulation that is instigated by all those sexy couples and ladies indulging in one another’s secret desires is now augmented and satiated by…US–by me, reconnecting in my relationship.

I know it seems almost ridiculous (or perhaps just painfully obvious) that I should come full circle and rediscover how to sexually (and emotionally) reconnect to my lover through something as non-traditional and polyamorous as The Swing Lifestyle…but it is all together fact…and a clear illustration of the power of intimacy which is as much about sexual pleasure and satisfaction as it is about self-actualization, communication, and acceptance…isn’t it pleasant when what we want coincides with what we need? I think so too! xxx c

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