So I was reported and my account frozen today on FB, for having:
- An inauthentic name
- Inappropriate content
At first glance, this seems obvious:
- “Conchita Blaq” is clearly NOT my name, rather my nickname and the name of the company I work with www.theblaqlist.com
- My images, well let’s be honest they are provocative
BUT, these were not the reason for my getting reported. Rather, it was something else, something that quite honestly was shocking:
SEXISM…HOMOPHOBIA…BI-PHOBIA…maybe just FEAR describe it best!
I’m not sure why I was that shocked, I mean we face it every day right? But I guess I never think of it as directed at me…it’s so much easier to distance yourself from HATE and judgement. And sometimes maybe it is just our own projections: fears, concerns focused on being judged for who we are and the choices we make. But, in this instance…it was not a projection.
After scanning all of my images…none had been deleted. So, I deleted a couple new “friends” I had added as a precaution, and then came across the “offensive post” by chance (and only because I was going to write about this specific exchange in my blog).
I had changed my Facebook relationship status to be more reflective of what it truly is:
I have a boyfriend.
I have a girlfriend.
These are separate, committed, long-term relationships.
So I update this on my insipid Facebook status as people inquire, and a man who is an acquaintance through another friend else writes:
Yes, I get it. I host swinger parties. I appear to be a brainless party monger in most of my pictures. BUT, I am not…in fact I am a clinical psychologist and researcher who happens to take life rather seriously and my love relationships even more seriously. So keeping both of these opposing forces in mind I answered respectfully to this person’s …oh let’s call him “Htephen Silburn” shall we? (heehee)…comment:
No Htephen Silburn I am afraid, NO THREESOMES. Not that I am against them. I have experienced many and they can represent a fun sexual act in relationships. But I am not referring to a sexual fantasy here rather committed long-term love, meant to foster growth and happiness for all involved…and while threesomes are great fun they are not necessarily conducive to a full-relationship.
In other words: A threesome does not a relationship make.
Following my statement, my FB friends chimed in and where maybe not as restrained as I…and it quickly became clear through these exchanges were destroying this man’s image of women (and this woman in particular) as sexual objects. The message was clear:
Oh you (a woman) can fuck for fun, as a sexual-toy…but never for love borne out of respect…no matter what shape that loves takes! And being in love with another woman?!? Well that just CANNOT be serious!
And so, rather than entering this dialogue and facing his misinterpretation…instead of learning…evolving…he did what most of us do when faced with a situation that asks us…no, demands…that we CHANGE:
HE ACTED DEFENSIVELY.
He reported my profile for abuse and me for misrepresenting myself. And let me remind you, I have been reported umpteen times for offensive images but never for:
BEING OFFENSIVE FOR MY LOVE CHOICES: LOVING A WOMAN…AND A MAN.
And it is…enraging.
It is sad.
It is inspiring…because it shows me, I did something right. I showed an ignorant someone a previously unknown model of love. And while he rejected this model today…it is there, once we know something we cannot un-know it. And that is enough.
Sometimes it’s enough to know you handled something in a manner that was truly in-line with your beliefs, and that you represented those beliefs AUTHENTICALLY…even if THAT someone can’t hear you…YOU HEAR YOU…and that has to be enough.
Have a good night…xxx c
*Note: This is NOT a zombie-threesome