Thoughts on Friendship…

I have every excuse for not writing…but it would be the same you’ve used before…so I will spare you, and return with where “I am”…thinking about friendship…and because my own words escape me presently…I will share my thoughts and feelings with you through the eloquent words and images, of others.

The quotes were found through reading and internet jaunts. The images are from Nicole Shau, an extremely talented, multi-media artist, who I recently stumbled upon…Her work can be explored and viewed on this site: 
http://natalieshau.carbonmade.com/
 and she has a Facebook page under her name, ENJOY:

“You understand my past, believe in my future, and accept me today just the way I am.” (Michael Powell)

“Everyone has a gift for something, even if it is the gift of being a good friend.” (Marian Anderson)

“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.” (Euripedes)

“Anger is the fluid love bleeds when it’s cut.” (C.S. Lewis)

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” (Mother Theresa)

“Friendship involves many things, but above all, the power of going out of one’s self and appreciating what is noble and loving in another.” (Thomas Hughes)

“When it hurts to look back, and I’m scared to look forward, I suddenly notice you standing beside me.” (Michael Powell)

The greatest friendships are not serene, they are truthful, accepting, and…fun.

xxx c.

(Image by: Daniela Sessa)

Passion: An Affair of the Heart

Last night I dreamt that I “cheated”…

On my lover…my partner, with another man.

It was a blurry, meaningless, swept-up-in-the-moment kind of indiscretion, as opposed to an emotion-laden betrayal. Still it was a lapse in better judgment, which I all too often fall victim.

When righteously confronted, I stumbled…a flood of shame, which lead to justifications and pitiful pleas for atonement.

What followed was surprising even to me, the dreamer, caught in the emotions of loss and guilt:

A spontaneous moment of passion…initiated by him…in the midst of his anger…bringing a new and conflicting set of emotions: desire, submission, rage, and even tenderness.

It was truly a fervent scene…more so for the impromptu and unexpected nature of it than for the fact that we were speeding along very fast, ripping clothing, and tearing skin, which of course only added to the mania of it all.

When I awoke…I thought, as a dreamer often does, “Did that really happen? Am I really embroiled in some dangerous liaison and of my own making?”

I then turned and struck him…while he slept (!)

He moved only slightly, one grunt, then returned to a peaceful rest. But my rage, passion, desire, and shame remained…as I turned to hold him…forcing me to consider:

Passion as a dialectic.

Passion is focused and intense, driven and eager.

Passion is (also) furious, violent and even…misery.

With all of these compelling yet conflicting emotions…is it any wonder why love gives us such strife?

What impacted me the most was the swiftness with which “the coin flipped”…one moment shame, the next lust, next fury, and then tenderness.

Passion is a reflection of the heart, and as such…can never fully be defined, understood, or tamed…nor do I believe it should.

Cheers to Friday…cheers to passion!

Xxx c.

A Woman’s Place? = In a Threesome (a/k/a A Facebook Debacle)

So I was reported and my account frozen today on FB, for having:

1. An inauthentic name
2. Inappropriate content

At first glance, this seems obvious:

1. “Conchita Blaq” is clearly NOT my name, rather my nickname and the name of the company I work with www.theblaqlist.com
2. My images, well let’s be honest they are provocative

BUT, these were not the reason for my getting reported. Rather, it was something else, something that quite honestly was shocking:

SEXISM…HOMOPHOBIA…BI-PHOBIA…maybe just FEAR describe it best!

I’m not sure why I was that shocked, I mean we face it every day right? But I guess I never think of it as directed at me…it’s so much easier to distance yourself from HATE and judgement. And sometimes maybe it is just our own projections: fears, concerns focused on being judged for who we are and the choices we make. But, in this instance…it was not a projection.

After scanning all of my images…none had been deleted. So, I deleted a couple new “friends” I had added as a precaution, and then came across the “offensive post” by chance (and only because I was going to write about this specific exchange in my blog).

I had changed my Facebook relationship status to be more reflective of what it truly is:

I have a boyfriend.

I have a girlfriend.

These are separate, committed, long-term relationships.

So I update this on my insipid Facebook status as people inquire,  and a man who is an acquaintance through another friend else writes:

YEAH, THREESOMES!!!

Yes, I get it. I host swinger parties. I appear to be a brainless party monger in most of my pictures. BUT, I am not…in fact I am a clinical psychologist and researcher who happens to take life rather seriously and my love relationships even more seriously. So keeping both of these opposing forces in mind I answered respectfully to this person’s …oh let’s call him “Htephen Silburn” shall we? (heehee)…comment:

No Htephen Silburn I am afraid, NO THREESOMES. Not that I am against them. I have experienced many and they can represent a fun sexual act in relationships. But I am not referring to a sexual fantasy here rather committed long-term love, meant to foster growth and happiness for all involved…and while threesomes are great fun they are not necessarily conducive to a full-relationship.

In other words: A threesome does not a relationship make.

Following my statement, my FB friends chimed in and where maybe not as restrained as I…and it quickly became clear through these exchanges were destroying this man’s image of women (and this woman in particular) as sexual objects. The message was clear:

Oh you (a woman) can fuck for fun, as a sexual-toy…but never for love borne out of respect…no matter what shape that loves takes! And being in love with another woman?!? Well that just CANNOT be serious!

And so, rather than entering this dialogue and facing his misinterpretation…instead of learning…evolving…he did what most of us do when faced with a situation that asks us…no, demands…that we CHANGE:

HE ACTED DEFENSIVELY.

He reported my profile for abuse and me for misrepresenting myself. And let me remind you, I have been reported umpteen times for offensive images but never for:

BEING OFFENSIVE FOR MY LOVE CHOICES: LOVING A WOMAN…AND A MAN.

And it is…enraging.

It is sad.

It is inspiring…because it shows me, I did something right. I showed an ignorant someone a previously unknown model of love. And while he rejected this model today…it is there, once we know something we cannot un-know it. And that is enough.

Sometimes it’s enough to know you handled something in a manner that was truly in-line with your beliefs, and that you represented those beliefs AUTHENTICALLY…even if THAT someone can’t hear you…YOU HEAR YOU…and that has to be enough.

Have a good night…xxx c

*Note: This is NOT a zombie-threesome