Real Words of LOVE, You Won’t Find in a Card this Valentine’s…but Maybe in a Blunt.

Today, I  have been thinking a lot about love…it is Valentine’s Day, soon…which I know is a ridiculous holiday…but it always seems to pull me in at the last minute…arrrghhh…and despite the cheesy commerciality of the holiday…you know I love love…and today in my daily wanderings I came across some sound relationship advice from none other than Bob Marley. Why does it seem like this man had the secrets of the universe all rolled into a joint?

FOR HER:

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”

FOR HIM:

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

And with that sage advice…I think we all could lighten up a bit on those we love this Valentine’s…after all it’s not really about candy and flowers…it’s about finding someone to share your world with…your view…your heart…unconditionally…Damn it’s so easy to forget that and yet so essential for love to endure.

xxx

conchita.

Do Women NEED to Cum?

Oh, women and our orgasms…perhaps, one of the most over-strived-for and under-appreciated experiences in our lives…males, female, self, other…WE WOMEN WANT TO CUM! But here is the real question:

Do we NEED to cum?

Yesterday I wrote a post about masturbation as an exercise in mindfulness, which really got me thinking about…well, about cumming. Later that day I came upon (you know it’s punny) a quote by the vivacious and voracious Mae West:

“An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.”

I posted this quote on Facebook as I often post semi-provocative sentiments to see what sparks people and in this case the ladies were indeed sparked (the exchange follows below). While there were the expected comments about how and when to cum, there was an interesting split between the psychological benefits of orgasm versus the physiological, which got me thinking…I don’t even have to look to know there is a plethora of scientific research our there providing evidence as to the mental and physical health benefits of orgasms, just like I don’t need to look in a stats book to know that statistics are incorrect 40% of the time. So, rather than bore you with numbers from studies that have a clear agendas,  I thought I would speak from personal experience…(you all tend to prefer that anyway).

As I have previously discussed, for me orgasms from masturbation represent a form of release that leads to an increased level of focus; they are simple to achieve and result in the release of tension, serotonin kicks-in and chills me out so that I may continue to write/work/think etc. The psychological benefit is clear. However the physiological benefit is less evident, granted I am sure that mechanisms of action are occurring beneath my level of consciousness (I am somehow increasing my lifespan by orgasming), but my immediate impression is often: I am a bit raw, and messy, and my muscles feel stiff…I honestly don’t feel that stellar, body-wise.

Whereas, if I orgasm from SEX…the experience seems to be reversed.

Typically, as we know, sex takes a bit more precursor than masturbation (not always, but at least a little forethought is needed)…and that requires some form of psychological application: feelings, thoughts, considerations…it’s not just you, after all. And all of these expectations can, and often do, create tension:

“Am I cumming? Are you cumming? are we cumming…together?”

However, if the psychological benefits of sex lag behind the immediate gratification of masturbation, then the physiological payoff is much…bigger! Unlike the sore messy state that masturbating so often leaves me in, sex has the benefit of simultaneously exhausting and relaxing every muscle in my body. Maybe it’s the flood of adrenalin or dopamine or whatever, acting as natural pain killers, but after sex I physically feel NOTHING. Yes yes, so maybe I’m a little sore but by then I’ve passed-out asleep so it doesn’t really matter…and sleep…well I can just about guarantee I will not wake up until the morning, that is unless you wake me up.

Perhaps, sex is a case of physical satisfaction and benefit leading to the psychological: “I simply no longer care…about anything!”

And so here we are full circle,

Do women need to cum?

And my answer, as a learned clinician is: Yes…often and in every way possible in order to ensure our psychological and physical health.

xxx Dr. Conchita.

 

‘Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.’ – Cicero

Today, I am thankful.

I am thankful for all of the good in my life, as well as the bad…the negative, the hurt, the sadness, and the unknown. Maybe this sounds strange, to some. But when you think about it, life is the entirety of experience–not exclusively the good, the happy, the beautiful, the understandable.

Sadness is part of compassion and love, of being open…of not being afraid to feel…anything…everything…not shutting down, or shutting out. Sadness is vulnerability.

This is a powerful thought.

A difficult one.

Over the years, I have worked to cultivate a practice of mindful acceptance concerning the negative (and the unknown), with as much grace and attachment as I do pleasure and happiness. It hasn’t been easy, I fail more than I succeed but there is also learning in failure…truthfully, it is this process that gives the suffering value.

Why?

Because it enables me to feel whole, which in turn allows me to be a better friend, lover, and person…and ultimately this belief brings me a sense of peace…through all of life’s terror and beauty.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. 

- JFK

Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.

-Doris Day

The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.
-Friederich Nietzsche

Two kinds of gratitude: The sudden kind we feel for what we take; the larger kind we feel for what we give.

— Edwin Arlington Robinson

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.

Author Unknown

There are moments in life that are about embracing enjoyment…pleasure, others that ask us to withstand and be strong, and still others that show us the true meaning of compassion…through it all I am finding that the most valuable aspect of these life experiences is maintaining GRATITUDE. I am so very thankful to (and for) the people in my life…

“THANK YOU, your honesty and love is invaluable, your impact immeasurable.”

Our beliefs are transformative…cultivate yours from love.

xxx conchita.

(image by shutterbugbourdoir.com)

Feisty Friday Quote & Image…to get you READY for the Weekend!

“I don’t know what the question is, but sex is definitely the answer.” - Woody Allen.

Enjoy your weekend loves.

xxx, c.

(image by shutterbugboudoir.com)

All the World’s a Stage, You Just Have to…OPEN UP!

“This bed is your stage,” Rochester had said. “From such a stage you could do anything.”

“Do you not understand? what power there is in that mouth, these sumptuous tits, that tight cunny of yours?”

“Power to do what?”

“Almost anything. now you can give a man a quick ride that leaves him happy or a night of play that tires him. but there is more to learn. you can give a man pleasure, not just in his body but in his mind, his soul, that you become a drug. So that he will crave you. So that his bullocks will ache and give him no peace until his prick is once more the master of that smooth warmth. And I can train you, pretty pet. Do you want that?”

“Yes my lord.”

“Good. On your knees. No, off the bed. for this is your god, and you must worship it.”

(She is instructed in fellatio.)

“Do you love my cock?”

Nell found that she did.

“Do you worship it, my arbor vitae, my tree of life?”

Yes, that, too.

“And do you wish for holy communion?”

…Nell did wish for it.

“Then you shall have it.” Rochester came deep in her throat…

-From, “The Darling Strumpet: A Novel of Nell Gwynn, Who Captured the Heart of England and King Charles II” by Gillian Bagwell (set in 17th Century London).

There is an indescribable quality to the experience of The Lover who turned-you-out, who taught you the value of control through worship and the immeasurable pleasure derived from pushing your erotic prowess to unimaginable limits.

It is…

The lover who invites you to perform…for him, for her, for them.

The lover who shows you how to be open…completely.

When I refer to OPENNESS, I am not (simply) referring to pleasure, I also mean the deeper, dirty, nastier emotions:

humiliation

fear

anger

jealousy

gluttony

and then…from those depths…it is the lover who lifts you up…who raises you to ecstasy, previously unimaginable.

I believe that it is only through that level of honesty that we derive true satisfaction…of an unbound nature, freedom.

Not an easy experience.

Not a pretty one

(true experiences rarely are).

Yet, it is THE ONE you need to become The Star…Not in someone else’s performance though.

The lover only sets the stage, the show is all yours.

Now, are you ready for your close-up?

Indeed, I think you are.

xxx c.

(image by Shutterbugboudoir.com for Pastease.com )

Thoughts on Friendship…

I have every excuse for not writing…but it would be the same you’ve used before…so I will spare you, and return with where “I am”…thinking about friendship…and because my own words escape me presently…I will share my thoughts and feelings with you through the eloquent words and images, of others.

The quotes were found through reading and internet jaunts. The images are from Nicole Shau, an extremely talented, multi-media artist, who I recently stumbled upon…Her work can be explored and viewed on this site: 
http://natalieshau.carbonmade.com/
 and she has a Facebook page under her name, ENJOY:

“You understand my past, believe in my future, and accept me today just the way I am.” (Michael Powell)

“Everyone has a gift for something, even if it is the gift of being a good friend.” (Marian Anderson)

“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.” (Euripedes)

“Anger is the fluid love bleeds when it’s cut.” (C.S. Lewis)

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” (Mother Theresa)

“Friendship involves many things, but above all, the power of going out of one’s self and appreciating what is noble and loving in another.” (Thomas Hughes)

“When it hurts to look back, and I’m scared to look forward, I suddenly notice you standing beside me.” (Michael Powell)

The greatest friendships are not serene, they are truthful, accepting, and…fun.

xxx c.

(Image by: Daniela Sessa)

Take YOUR Panties OFF NOW!…It’s a Holiday!!!

“This girl dancing on me, ain’t got no panties on!” – Wiz Khalifa

This Friday brings us something to celebrate:

No panties.

No panty lines.

No PROBLEM.

Now…Take-em off & ENJOY!

xxx c.

Mae West: A Moment for One Hell of a Woman…(& a tribute to her predecessor)

She was never considered a great or classic beauty; she was a hell of a lot more…

Mae West was BEAUTIFUL.

Mae was arguably the first female sex symbol to embrace her sexuality and translate it as subjective, rather than objective.

She was a man-eater, unabashedly.

Yet even in her provocative manner, Miss West always seemed to take sex and sexuality, lightly.

She had fun with it.

Her double entendres became her signature and, I presume, made her masculine-like manner more acceptable to the general public.

This was no victim to her gender. Mae West was fully in control of her body and her desires.

As a child, my mother and I would watch “old movies” on the classics channel Sunday afternoons, and together we saw many of Miss West’s films (she was also a screenwriter and playwright).

She was, far and above, my favorite “black and white” film actress. I loved how she backed her manifest sex appeal with aggressively suggestive humor.

I spent many a Sunday evening donning my mother’s “fancy dresses” and high heels, mugging in front of the mirror, mimicking that slight sneer she always wore.

Reflecting now, I realize that I saw my mother as Mae West:

She was also sexy-strong. My mother was never pretty, she was handsome. My mother never vied for dates, she chose.

Funny when we discover the origins of who we really are, in the shadows of media…only to then realize the true influence was there from the beginning.

This post began as a moment for Mae West, and ended as a tribute to MY MOTHER who always was, and still is:

ONE HELL OF A WOMAN, to me.

xxx c.

To Hell With, ‘A Good Man is hard to Find’…

“A hard man is good to find,” – Mae West

xxx c.

Masks…

Although I know it’s unfair I reveal myself one mask at a time.
Stephen Dunn