Bound: Thoughts from a Rope Demonstration @ A Sexy Zombie Apocalypse NYC

I have always loved ropes…I took to ropes in a way  I never did to the whips, or clamps, or verbal barbs of BDSM.

Bondage feels natural, to me; it feels like home.

When I am wrapped (bound) I feel safe, complete, protected…in my restraint. As if I can finally give up on all of the struggles in daily life and just relax into the ropes…the ropes will support me…they will hold me…and if I release…they will deliver me from pain into pleasure.

When I bind another, I feel in control…I feel honored. I feel their trust. A mix of serious concern (for their safety) and waves of pleasure flood my mind. I can always see in their eyes when the session moves from “fun” to the realization that they are dependent on me…completely…they are vulnerable. 

I love this moment…I lean in and give her a kiss to reassure her that she hasn’t misplaced her trust…and then I watch her melt into surrender…and the fun begins: she moves, she reaches, she grabs…the ropes become a part of her, an extension of her sexual desire…and I smile, my intentions met.

The above describes much of what you’ll see in the video (shot by Joel of Kamenwati Productions) below from a Halloween event last weekend. My partner, spontaneously volunteered…and this is what she got:

I hope you enjoyed the video…and I would well wishes to everyone recovering from Sandy on the east coast my heart is with you all,

xxx conchita.

Human Sexuality: The range of emotion it inspires will never cease to amaze me.

Sometimes a feeling is just about an image…a moment.

This morning a friend posted the above image and it was so impactful I immediately felt:

Desire

Arousal

Attraction

and even…

Revulsion

and perhaps

Shame (?)

Images have power.

They can cultivate and create a feeling much like music does or even personal contact.

I believe that’s why I work with the visual so often, for events and even in my personal life. It’s not about being accepted or even admired…it’s about creating an emotional connection to/with another person.

And what do we do with that initial connection? Well that is completely up to you…isn’t it.

Enjoy your weekend friends…and if you are in NYC I also hope you will stop by my Halloween event…xxx conchita.

The Duality of Life

Today I found myself searching…for an answer to pain, originating from love.

I found answers.

None of which satiated, but all reflected back the duality of life, of relationships, of sex, of love.

I am thankful to have the strength to recognize and also tolerate that duality, a dialectic that in no small part defines my life including my sexuality, my partners, my career, as well as my artistic and erotic endeavors.

I am guessing you also both suffer through and enjoy similar experiences in life, your interest in a blog such as this would seem to necessitate that, which gives me the opportunity to share some of my reflections today, with you…

A friend’s blog 100% Mixed Girl, which captures the essence of life’s dualities as truly dialectic (two opposites that should not “fit” together and yet somehow do), was the first to provide a lens.

In this particular entry she describes the melancholic experience of loss in a “friendship” that is not meeting expectations:

“True friendship is far more rare than I realized.

I also learned that I should never doubt my instincts about people.

Even if I decide to let them in, I will do so with care.

I will not allow all the same access as others.

I will try to deprogram myself from thinking that all friendships deserve the same love and intimacy.

I will make my most ambitious effort to not take their unsavory behavior personal and accept them as they are.

If I don’t, they will continue to hurt and disappoint me with their failure of my expectations.

For the close circle of ladies I have, I will continue to nurture and trust in you.

For those that no longer belong in that category, you will eventually alienate yourself and I will no longer cry, bitch and moan that you don’t fit.

I have been trying to force you into a space that was simply not designed for you.

I regrettably mourn the dream of you as you were never meant to be my reality.”

(Excerpt from Friendship & Intimacy by S.Iscove)

The idea of mourning that which never truly existed is a trick I think we have all played on ourselves and yet the loss is real, it’s just the origin we are often mistaken about. When we look to the “other” for answers we are misdirected, the origin of our suffering is within ourselves, the expectations, the desires, the judgements…these all come from us, and color the way in which we connect to others in our lives. It’s a hard lesson and one I continually struggle with, but one that once recognized is invaluable to the health and happiness of future relationships.

This reflection, combined with the approaching holiday (Halloween & Dia de los Muertos), turned my thinking to death, endings, masks…identity.

Specifically, I was looking at the work of artists Sylvia Ji and several of her images brought me to the following thoughts:

The relationship between beginnings and endings,

often they are so inter-related that we can predict one from the other.

Love and desire,

which may at times seem very much at odds,

and yet impossibly connected.

Pleasure…floats us on a cloud of passion;

however, never promises tomorrow.

The self, constantly evolving…

so much so that at times our own reactions seem alien,

yet our emotions are all ours…by definition.

Ahhhhhh…the pleasure and suffering inherent in the experience of life’s dualities…can’t live with em, can’t live without em…and so let’s choose to just accept, and LIVE.

xxx

c.

My Mantra: I am Strong!

I don’t want to be skinny I want to be strong.

Strength is my guiding aspiration, both mentally and physically.

To be strong enough to withstand

To be strong enough to let go

To be strong enough to succeed

To be strong enough to fail

To be strong enough to win

To be strong enough to lose

To be strong enough…to be weak

When I was younger, I didn’t feel this way. Life felt outside of my control and my body manifested what my heart and will could not:

I was thin, I was frail, I was weak.

It was as if my body decided to express what my heart could not bare to.

I am so happy to have shed that, to live comfortably in my own skin…so much so that I fear I make others uncomfortable at times…traipsing through public body bared to all!

But, I earned it!

My body

My mind

My heart

Are strong, strong enough to be weak without being defeated.

I survived…and I thrive. 

xxx

conchita.

(first image by http://www.BPSProductions.com)

‘Fitness for Better Sex’ – You Better Believe IT!

Physical activity has always been important to me.

Whether it was ballet, or gymnastics, horseback riding, or swimming…as a child my mother instilled in me a strong connection between mind and body that sustained through adulthood.

If my body is healthy and strong, my mind is healthy and strong.

One doesn’t supersede the other, and although I certainly hold the mental above the physical…in terms of attraction…I know for me, one accompanies the other.

Because of this belief, as an adult, working-out is like brushing my teeth: a necessary behavior for maintaining my health and preventing illness…and something that keeps me fresh and shiny…(ok well perhaps I went a little overboard with that metaphor).

Seriously though, I think that fitness is as much a part of who I am as any of my characterlogical qualities, and most of the time it feels less like something I “have to do,” and more like something I, “won’t do without.”

What about the obvious connection:

Fitness and sex (?)

The theoretical connection (equation) might look something like this:

Look Good + Feel Good = (Feel + Look Sexier)/More Sex.

With such statistical proof…one would wonder why everyone isn’t working-out RIGHT NOW!

Which brings me to a concept like ForTra (“Foreplay Training for better sex.”) founded by the brilliant and beautiful Kat ForTra, her link is over here to the right on my blog (ForTraDVD.com) where she always has some wonderfully informative and sexy tips regarding the fitness-sexual health connection.

Her theory is a mutually dependent concept:

Sexual stimulation will improve your workout,

and your fitness level improves through sexual satisfaction (by self and/or other).

That said, when I consider the healthiest relationships in my life, and I have had a myriad of extremes, I think that the most balanced ones were those in which BOTH partners (or all, in some cases) engaged in and committed to in a consistent fashion some form of exercise or fitness. This cannot be a coincidence. I am not suggesting that anyone (myself included) was some sort of fitness fanatic, who has time for that sort of thing, rather I am saying that I believe a real correlation exists between the level of one’s confidence and satisfaction with his or her sex life and their level of fitness. If we can set aside the obvious pleasure of an in-shape body (who wants to, but suspend your disbelief for a second), and focus on our own experience of self…

Fit feels better.

Being healthy allows you to experience yourself more fully as a sexual being, and in turn can only impact your sex life positively!

I know this all sounds like a given, but I wonder how often when we are at the gym…pounding out reps…we are also saying to ourselves:

THIS SET IS GOING TO IMPROVE MY SEX LIFE!

Yet, in essence…it is.

Something tells me our next workout (yours and mine) will need no further motivation.

With that, on this Wet Wednesday…cheers to busting out that extra rep…for SEX, if nothing else!

Xxx

c.

(All images by http://www.BPSProductions.com)

Cummings and Goings…

I have to admit, it does strike me as odd that a blog (my blog) about so much cumming also includes so many goings…

However, upon further reflection it seems apt…legit even.

When you think about it, every cumming necessitates a going.

But let me not get tied too tightly to semantics here and get right to the point:

Relationships, all kinds of relationships, have a beginning…and some (most)…an ending.

Coincidentally, the former is usually more pleasant than the latter, which shouldn’t dissuade us…I mean we can’t cum unless we begin….right?

And isn’t the ending also an opportunity to begin again?

I say we all (and by that I mean myself and perhaps many of you) could utilize this knowledge to…

HIT THE ROAD.

Stick out our thumb

&

HITCH A RIDE…

because while it can never be guaranteed that we will be cumming,

If we are open to the experience

We will always be going, somewhere.

I realize this blog was a bit…metaphorical, perhaps even frustratingly so…it was to me in a way, even writing it. But, it needed to be. Recently ending a long friendship, I needed to create a little distance from the experience, even in reflecting, in order to see the positive attributes of separation. Anyway, thank you for muddling along with me, through the sexy and not-so-sexy…at least it’s all real.

xxx conchita.

(Image by: shutterbugboudoir.com for pastease.com )

DC & Marvel Unite to Fight: for Breast Cancer Awareness Month (October)

Last year’s ALCC (Associacao da Luta Contra o Cancer) campaign for Breast Cancer Awareness Month used busty comic book heroines to encourage young women to perform self-breast exams.

The ad read:

“When we talk about breast cancer, there’s no women or superwomen. Everybody has to do the self-examination monthly. Fight with us against the enemy and, when in doubt, talk with your doctor.”

I actually think it’s quite brilliant, if you can get past the general misogyny of comics in general, which to be honest I don’t think are any more or less stereotypical of desired female attributes than they are of men’s. The idea being I suppose that through identifying with these heroines’ behaviors change will occur, “If Cat Woman can get breast cancer, so can I!”

Not to mention it does look rather hot, these representations of exaggerated agressive female sexuality touching themselves….Hey at least I’m being honest!

Now girls, take care of your girls!

xxx

conchita.

The Erotic Art of Schiele: “I Believe in the Immortality of all Creatures”

“I do not deny that I have made drawings and watercolors of an erotic nature. But they are always works of art. Are there no artists who have done erotic pictures?” - Egon Schiele

In what has turned into an ongoing blog-series celebrating artists who embody a nymphobrainiac ideal (the merging of intellectual and erotic mindfulness) I am returning to Egon Schiele. An Austrian painter whose body of work was completed in the early 20^th century, yet still continues to repel and enthrall today.

His work has that dialectic quality. It is not “pretty” to the eye; the lines are jilted and simplistic, the colors splotchy and garish,

and…real.

When Schiele painted the human form he actually captured aspects of the human condition:

Nude. Awkward. Sexual. Emotional. Twisted.

His figures looked like people who had lived…a difficult life…a quality captured in the very lines that “confined” their twisted shapes.

There is something almost intrusive about his painting…as if you just walked in on someone masturbating…they feel personal, intimate; as if they are still possessed by the subjects, and we are intruding on their moment.

All of these characteristics make Schiele’s work timeless and addictive. I have never looked at one Schiele image, only many.

Schiele’s personal life mirrored the non-conformity depicted in his art. He often shacked-up with underage delinquents in a kind of commune-style living arrangement and was eventually arrested for seducing a girl under the age of consent; however, after appearing before a judge, he was found innocent.

Schiele’s relationship with his mother was strained:

“My mother is a very strange woman… She doesn’t understand me in the least and doesn’t love me much either. If she had either love or understanding she would be prepared to make sacrifices.” 

With this in mind, Schiele’s salacious depictions of women appear to reflect an unconscious and twisted (really maladaptive) wish for intimacy…love.

His self-portraits almost always portrayed a nude, contorted, pained Schiele…

Theories abound about Schiele’s “overly-close” relationship with his sister (Gerti) implying incest, which was unsubstantiated…however, this interpretation remains a powerful intuition as to the inspiration behind Schiele’s sometimes disturbing work.

At one point, Schiele studied under Klimt, which may be obvious from the style adopted in his painting from that time. And while am a lover of Klimt’s work…I prefer Schiele, when he was doing Schiele…dirty, nasty, raw…HUMAN.

I think Schiele, himself, understood his work best (not a quality common in all artists) when he commented:

“Art cannot be modern. Art is primordially eternal.”

This, I think, gets to the heart of the matter…

Schiele’s work sheds the pretty dressing of society and culture and shows us…who we would be…primal, raw, base. 

Have a great weekend nymphobrainiacs! xxx c.

This Weekend: Get Closer to Your Higher (or Lower) Power…Just DANCE!

I praise the dance,

for it frees people from the heaviness of matter

and binds the isolated to community.

I praise the dance, which demands everything:

health and a clear spirit and a buoyant soul.

Dance is a transformation of space, of time, of people,

who are in constant danger of becoming all brain,

will, or feeling.

Dancing demands a whole person,

one who is firmly anchored in the center of his life,

who is not obsessed by lust for people and things

and the demon of isolation in his own ego.

Dancing demands a freed person,

one who vibrates with the equipoise of all his powers.

I praise the dance.

O man, learn to dance,

or else the angels in heaven will not know

what to do with you.

-St. Augustine

Leave it to a Catholic saint, considered one of the church’s greatest thinkers of all times, to hail dancing as a form of salute to our higher power…more accurately even…to declare our very existence.

It’s a nice thought…but somehow it seems when I take a turn on the dance floor, I am calling to a darker power…

Still, no matter how your motives, dancing is expression it it’s most primal…and as such, perhaps our purest vehicle of communication.

With that…may you dance through your weekend…whether you call to the god above, or the one below…just dance!

xxx

c.

Take YOUR Panties OFF NOW!…It’s a Holiday!!!

“This girl dancing on me, ain’t got no panties on!” – Wiz Khalifa

This Friday brings us something to celebrate:

No panties.

No panty lines.

No PROBLEM.

Now…Take-em off & ENJOY!

xxx c.