Trick & Treat! Happy Sex-Toy Tuesday: The Halloween Edition(#10)

Halloween has us all in a tizzy this time of year, whether last-minute planning costumes for children or creating some imaginative ensemble for a soiree of the adult-kind, many of us are inundated with thoughts of…

PUMPKINS, SCARECROWS, HORROR MOVIES, MONSTERS, VAMPIRES, WEREWOLVES, ZOMBIES, WITCHES…and all manner of creatures of the night!

Truly it seems that Halloween caters to adults as much as it does children…and as a holiday that celebrates the darker side of life and fantasy…that’s not really a surprise.

Still when I reflected on this week’s entry: adult sex-toys and Halloween, I have to admit I was at a loss…until I did a bit of research…and voila! I discovered some Tasty Halloween Treats meant to do more than just Trick!

Let us begin with a little excitement from the dark-side…some (if you will forgive my rough-language) undead-cock. For those with a full-on Twilight “hard-on” (now please forgive my bad pun)…I bring you: “Edward“…or at least his…ummm MEMBER

And not only does this High Grade “Twilight Vamp Dildo” have all the qualities to get-the-job-done

• Realistic dildo in a deathly pale flesh tone for those that fantasize about being tantalized by the forbidden
• Well endowed head for erotic penetration and satisfying shaft texturized with subtle veining for a spellbinding experience
• Large base makes it easier to hold, perfect for “O” ring harnesses, and great for use on flat surfaces.

It also includes authentic extra:

Don’t save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle! (www.mypleasure.com)

Yes…The Vamp sparkles and glitters in the sun mimicking our favorite young Twilight Lovers with bloody perfection!

For those of you who prefer a more classic approach to your Halloween Sex Toys, I present:

THE ZOMBIE ART DILDO

At over $200, this custom-made toy is not for the casual undead fan, rather I would recommend this toy for the serious ZOMBIE-PHILE! As the website details:

Zombi: All it wants is your warm human flesh. A bloated, rotting, pustulant abomination. Choose from a variety of festering colours.

Size: ~7″ Long total and 1.5″ Across with clit stimulating arteries, and textured rotting penis head… so grotesque as to be amazing!

This hand crafted and body safe silicone dildo is more detailed than any dildo you have ever seen before.  The artists not only have sculpted an insane monstrosity for you from the influence of some of your favorite horror classics… but they also hand paint each dildo to give it personality, and gruesome reality.  It is a labor of love to make these phalo-horrors, so they’re not cheap.  But they are, in 2 words, perfectly horrific. (www.kinkengineering.com)

And I ask you…who wouldn’t want a decayed green disembodied penis to play with on a spooky Halloween Night?

On second thought…don’t answer that…instead let’s move on to my NEXT offering…something we can all enjoy together…or at least those of us over the age-of-consent:

PORNKINS

Yes…you read correctly, what I present you is the first X-Rated Pumpkin…Behold, THE PORNKIN!

The website’s slogan is, “CARVE THIS.” And they seem to be going for the young and partying crowd by the looks of their promo-video featuring scantily-clad barbies bouncing through a club…interstingly, there’s neither a pumpkin nor a pornkin in sight…I suppose it is implied:

porn-girls = PORNKIN (?)

Regardless, the concept is super creative and while this HALLOWEEN I will not be indulging in dildos of the undead type…I think I will be carving-up a lil porn-pumpkin art…why not? It’s not like kids ever come tricker-treating anymore…so I guess I will just sit home this year, eat an entire package of snack-sized kiddie-candies and indulge in a little Pumpkin-Porno!

TRICK OR TREAT…or in this case, I suppose it’s a little of both!

Happy Sex Toy Tuesday…and a VERY Happy & Safe Halloween to YOU, xxx c

 

Sexy Toy Tuesday (#9): Pre-Historic STYLE!

For this installment of  Sex Toy Tuesday, I decided to look to the past, way “past”…and to ask:

How did ladies of ancient times (and men, for that matter) get-off?

My research has uncovered some fascinating facts…

Sex Toys, and specifically Dildos in one form or another have been present in society throughout history.

Artifacts from the Upper Paleolithic (period) which have previously been described as batons were most likely used for sexual purposes.  However, there appears to be hesitation on the part of archaeologists to label these items as sex toys: as archaeologist Timothy Taylor put it, “Looking at the size, shape, and—some cases—explicit symbolism of the ice age batons, it seems disingenuous to avoid the most obvious and straightforward interpretation. But it has been avoided.” (Wikipedia)

Why? Well it seems that our (oft-exhibited) shame related to sexuality and sexual functions even inhibits our ability to interpret history accurately  (What a shock!). Still, if we eschew puritanical skeptics, it seems that the world’s oldest known dildo is a siltstone 20-centimeter phallus from the Upper Palaeolithic period dating nearly 30,000 years ago-during the ICE-AGE!

Additionally, ancient dildo relics span the globe! Findings of the archaeologists show that ancient Egyptians used dildos 2,500 years ago.

These pre-modern dildos were constructed of stone, tar, wood and other materials that could be shaped as penises and that were firm enough to be used as penetrative sex toys (…obviously).

Chinese women in the 11th through the 15th centuries used dildos made of lacquered wood with beautiful and ornate textured surfaces.

Sex toys were apparently well known to the ancient Greeks and sometimes depicted in art, specifically Greek-vase ceramics. Some pieces show their use in group sex or in solitary female masturbation . One vessel, of about the 6th century BC, depicts a scene in which a woman bends over to perform oral sex on a man, while another man is about to thrust a dildo into her anus.

In addition to countless ceramic depictions, these phallic-shaped toys (or oblisbo meaning ”to glide or slip”) are described in literature of the time and are known to have been commonly given as gifts to Grecian women whose husbands were going off to war or who had passed away.

Recently, in Greece, an ancient brothel was unearthed, revealing a 2,000 year old “sex-toy shop” where stone vaginal and anal probes, penis paraphernalia, and a variety of lubricants were discovered.

But just how prevalent were sex tools in ancient Greek society?   According to numerous historic texts, sex tools–especially penis-shaped dildos–were so integral to day-to-day Grecian life that they were commonly sold in the marketplace, and men and women took them virtually everywhere they went, including the afterlife.

Dildos also have a place in culture…

Dildos are mentioned several times in Aristophanes‘ comedy of 411 BC, Lysistrata.

LYSISTRATA

And so, girls, when fucking time comes… not the faintest whiff of it anywhere, right? From the time those Milesians betrayed us, we can’t even find our eight-fingered leather dildos. At least they’d serve as a sort of flesh-replacement for our poor cunts… So, then! Would you like me to find some mechanism by which we could end this war? (Wikipedia)

Herodas‘ comic Mime VI, written in the 3rd Century BC, is about a woman anxious to discover from a friend where she recently acquired a dildo.

METRO

I beg you, don’t lie,

dear Corrioto: who was the man who stitched for you this bright red dildo? (Wikipedia)

She eventually discovers the maker to be a certain Kerdon, who hides his trade by the front of being a cobbler, and leaves to seek him out.

John Wilmot, the 17th century English libertine, published his poem Signor Dildo in 1673. The piece was meant to be a mock address anticipating the ‘solid’ advantages of a Catholic marriage, namely the wholesale importation of Italian dildos, to the unspeakable joy and comfort of all the ladies of England:

You ladies all of merry England

Who have been to kiss the Duchess’s hand,

Pray, did you not lately observe in the show

A noble Italian called Signor Dildo? …

A rabble of pricks who were welcomed before,

Now finding the porter denied them the door,

Maliciously waited his coming below

And inhumanly fell on Signor Dildo …(Wikipedia)

Comparative evidence from around the world shows that sex toys and tools are common to virtually every known culture on the planet! Are you shocked? No…of course not…you read this BLOG! (insert: light chuckle)….Enjoy Your Sex Toy Tuesday…..xxx c