Sleeping in the nude,sex three times a week, spending time apart and arguing-Secrets of a happy marriage!

Charly CONCHITA Carlyle:

Happy Humpday FB! #NymphoBrainaic #Blog – I indulge in pop psychology in the same way I do reality TV…both are to be consumed like cotton candy…appealing, is rather unappetizing and certainly not satisfying….still, there is a place for both…the circus; all farce and fluff. However, here and there pop psychology touches on something that just feels true…something deep and universal to us all, this piece was that for me. Quite simply, (1) Nudeness; (2) Frequent sex, cuddles, and kisses; (3) Couples who hang with couples; (4) Separate lives and time apart; (5) Pheromones; and finally….(6) Arguing. it was refreshing not to see the typical: communication, honesty, blah blah blah…rather this list seems so much more…well, practical. Honestly, these attributes sound logical and…dare I admit…FUN. So cheers to pop psych and what I feel is a successful list of doable actions…that could only be good for…US. xxx dr.c.

Originally posted on AGR NEWS NETWORK:

After a study claimed couples who went to bed starkers are more likely to stay together, we look at other ‘magic formulas’ for a lasting relationship

They say the couple who play together, stay together but now researchers say the best way to keep a happy marriage is to sleep in the NUDE.

A recent study of more than 1,000 Britons found 57% of those who go to bed starkers said they were happy in their relationship compared to 48% who wore pyjamas.

“Bedding can feel extremely soft against the skin, encouraging openness and intimacy between couples and ultimately increasing happiness,” says Stephanie Thiers-Ratcliffe, who worked on the poll.

And they’re not the only ones who think they have the recipe for lasting and happy marriage. From separate beds and bathrooms to arguing and sex, everyone has their own theory…

Sex three times a week and seven cuddles a week

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No one is a slut…

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No one is a slut. “Slut” is a made-up word to keep women from having as much fun as men. A person who enjoys sex is just a person and a person who is a virgin is also just a person and everyone should lay off each other’s sex lives. Retire the word “slut” please.

(From 20 Things We Need to Give Up in 2013 via Thought Catalog)

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This is a lovely idea…but like so many of the judgmental slurs of our time…”Slut” isn’t going anywhere. It is a part of our vernacular, used to both define and confine someone based on gender roles alone.  However, we can reclaim it…make it ours #WeAreAllSluts

xxx dr.c.

How #HONY Changed My Life

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When I was nine or so, my father committed suicide. It’s not something I hide, but it’s also not something I introduce into everyday exchanges…unless I am being interviewed by Humans of New York or #HONY, as it’s affectionately referred to (Honestly, the photograph feels like an afterthought.).

When Brandon, HONY’s photographer and creator, approached me he introduced himself, “I have a website called Humans of New York…” I immediately thought I knew what to expect: he will ask me a question that will require some reflection, I will respond in kind. I was wrong. Here is the rest of the exchange:

HONY: If you had to address a large room of people what is the one piece of advice you would give them.

Me: Be more compassionate. No…Learn to develop more compassion.

HONY: Okay, so tell me of one instance in your life where you wish you had been more compassionate.

(I did not see that coming. My mind flooded with the too-many-to-name-times I could have been more compassionate in my life…and I must have looked stumped because…)

Take your time…this is an Oprah moment (said with a big open smile)…a single instance where you wish you had shown someone more compassion.

(Only one memory came up, and I responded.)

Me: With my mother, when I was younger.

HONY: With your mother? Wow that’s so sweet (genuinely spoken)…How so? How could you have shown her more compassion?

(This was a clear decision point, I could have clammed-up or opened-up…I chose the latter.)

Me: My father committed suicide when I was nine. Of course it was hard on both of us. But, through my own pain and rage…I could never see hers. I wish I had been more compassionate toward her. I wish I had been able to understand and accept her depression, instead of reacting against it. I know I was a child, with limited ability to cope, but my regret is not being able to be compassionate to my mother in that moment….or even years later.

(This exchange ended with a “thank you”, a few encouraging words, and a warm hug from Brandon…but it didn’t stop there, for me.)

In that moment, I realized that while I built so much of my life around cultivating a sense of compassion both towards others and myself…my motivation had always been my mother. Yes I was a child; however, it was not until adulthood that I was able to truly heal and feel real compassion for her process of grieving, her loss. And I watched her suffer for so many years. It’s not a question of responsibility. It’s a deep desire to hold another’s pain, which I spent years of degrees (BA, MA, PhD in clinical psychology) “learning” to do…with the belief that it was for my father…yet now, for the very first time, I understand that it was really for my mother. I wish I had been able to show her the compassion I have now…then.

It is stunning how a 5-minute exchange, focused on honesty can truly change your life. Thank you HONY.

And THANK YOU TO THE HONY READERS…I had no idea how impactful your responses would be, not only for me…for other readers as well.

HONY has cultivated a thoughtful and empathic community, and the fact that it is through social media is unique and truly amazing; it speaks to the positive role that social media can have in peoples’ lives if it is utilized mindfully.

This experience helped me realize that even the most seemingly insignificant human exchange can have a significant and lasting influence on your life. Never be afraid to connect, with an open and honest heart.

Xxx, dr.c.

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Humans of New York can be found on:

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As a book

When it Comes to Selling Sex…America Fails

Earlier this week the Canadian company PornHub presented their finalists for their American ad campaign, and to be honest I was unimpressed:

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Aside from the few cute visual representations of masturbation habits in today’s western culture…the finalist submissions…were overly vague…and not at all sexy, in my opinion.

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I mean porn is supposed to be sexy, right? Or at the very least indicative of the erotic…

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These felt…cold and slightly glib…one was overtly sexist and insinuating violence towards women (Yes, I get the joke, it just wasn’t that funny):

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I mean is this a rap video? What are we selling here? Children’s toys? Rape? I AM CONFUSED.

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Because according to this…women don’t watch porn and hate it when their boyfriends/male partners do…huh?

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And did you know that masturbating to porn on Pornhub is parallel to being a hipster?!?

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I got you though, it’s all about self love, right?

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And being a pervert…Values I can grasp and really hold onto!

Still, overall I thought these ads were a fail and was disappointed. If the media at large thinks we Americans are this dull and misogynistic when it comes to sex (and maybe by and large we are)…how does the media overseas understand their consumer base? The simple answer is: with A LOT MORE HUMOR…

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and a bit of crassness…

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in that fabulously dry British way…

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Charmingly naughty, I would say.

Further, I the found ads for the Japanese store Condomania to be creative and to the point (something lacking in the American ads):

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Listen, of course I understand that this is media’s take on our sexuality…and it’s as much a product of regulation and consumerism as it is a reflection of culture…but, I can’t help but think…we could have done better with this America…we could have done better:

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Have a great Holiday weekend, xxx dr.c.

(Images supplied by: Panda Life Studios)

Before You Send that XXX-selfie, Consider THIS…

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I often blog about the fun and kinky aspects around sex and sexual expression/exploration; however, in the wake of more public cases involving a disgruntled ex- posting/exposing on social media a past lover’s nude and compromising photos and video (dubbed “revenge porn”) I wanted to address the more serious side of sex.

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Several states in the US have initiated “revenge porn” policies after the first case of its kind was brought to NY Criminal Court (People vs. Barber)by a woman who alleged that her boyfriend sent pictures of her naked body to her sister and her employer. The ex-boyfriend was arrested and charged with aggravated harassment, dissemination of unlawful surveillance and public display of offensive sexual material. However, the defendant was never charged for his actual crime. “WHY?” You ask, well…currently, New York has no law that specifically proscribes this “revenge porn” conduct. California has introduced such a bill; however, it does NOT include “selfies”…which is a major flaw…Think about how much of what you send your lover, by way of intimate shots is in fact a “selfie”.

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The law, in its current form, therefore does not fully protect its intended victims.

Something to consider…before you hit… “send”…xxx dr.c.